A Word From Your Hostess
Yes, you did make a reservation, but you’re a tiny bit late.
You see, the reservation was for 7PM- and you’ve just arrived drunk at half past 8.
I’m sorry you take the 20 minute wait time as a personal affront.
But I will suggest never beginning a sentence with, “may I be blunt.”
It’s just I already worked 5 hours today- and my feet are a bit tired.
But I’ll try harder to care that the corner table is leaving you, “less than inspired.”
In the future, looking up from your phone once in a while may help you get a better table.
But that text conversation must be so riveting- I completely understand if you are simply unable.
What is that you said, we should provide more gluten free options for your consideration?
Of course! I will mention that to the chef for future dish creation!
No, unfortunately we cannot do anything about the crying baby at table 3.
But I would avoid saying to the mother, “can’t you do something about that… please?”
Currently, we can’t move you inside. We are so sorry your date forgot a sweater!
For next time though- we think wearing a full-length shirt would definitely help her.
What!? Your waters are empty? Let me send your server to help!
In the meantime, I’d like to thank you for mentioning our “mixed reviews” on Yelp.
It is quite unfortunate you found your server to be “rather rude.”
I will definitely remind him to “speak more clearly” and “check his attitude.”
On your way out, talk amongst yourselves about how hard is was to decipher the accent of said waiter.
And you’re right! He’s definitely from “like one of those countries by the equator.”
Of course these are all merely suggestions, YOU have been truly wonderful and incredibly polite.
We hope to see you again soon. Thank you and have a great night!