Tie-dings of Impeachment from Steve Cohen

It’s happening. We knew it was just a matter of time, but now the word that’s been rattling around in the minds of every sane American is now been officially uttered allowed: impeachment. Five articles of them — and announced by a tie that somehow manages to reflect the mixed emotions of a nation bracing what’s to follow.

I’m sorry, did I say a tie? I meant representative Steve- but seriously check out that tie!

It’s a fun, bright orange! It has a festive, albeit indistinguishable, confetti-like pattern! This is a tie that says, “Yes! We’re finally impeaching the Cheeto-in-Chief, and I’m bustin’ out the Party Tie to hit the point home!” This tie is a wearable celebration, and makes us hopeful for a return to a world where the most important news of the day doesn’t happen on Twitter! Party Tiiiiiiiiie!

Let’s take a closer look:

Wait a sec — are those apple cores? Bow ties? Undisclosed tax returns? What the heck am I looking at here? Maybe this isn’t a Party Tie at all. Maybe this is a Morning After Tie.

It’s overcooked-cheese-sandwich orange. The color of the food you forgot you ate, because you were impeachment-partying hard, got the midnight munchies, and absolutely NEEDED Taco Bell. These mystery flecks could be Hillary’s emails, scattered about. They could be Russian flags. Those blurry, out-of-focus specks could be Mike Pence, waiting in the wings, picking out his own Party Tie.

This tie is a tie of warning. A tie that reminds us that it’s okay to be excited, but not to overdo it, because after the party is over, a lot of old stuff is likely to come back up.