Our connected world lacks meaningful connections
“Connecting” with people has never been easier. Opening your browser or turning on your phone provides you access to thousands of people you can easily connect with. There are more apps based on the premise of connecting than I ever care to understand. Some of the people we connect with are strangers that have allowed you to take a peek into their lives. Others are acquaintances- old co-workers, former classmates, your kid’s friend’s parents, a neighbor, etc. Some are people you have real life relationships with and that know you outside of just words on a screen. (It’s still funny to me we refer to people as real life friends 😂)
Why when we have so many ways to connect and be connected, do I feel like I have very few strong, real, connections?
As I have been contemplating this, I realize that maybe there is a large difference in connecting and having a connection. I used to spend a lot of time on Facebook. It was a nice time sink and fun to look at people’s pictures, read about their kids, etc. I felt like I really knew these people. After all, one of us took the time to “add a friend” How stupid that, I thought a social media app was creating a real connection for me to others. I still have a Facebook account, and check my notifications and timeline, because I do have family and friends spread across the world, and I value what they are doing. But I have learned that connections take more than just seeing a smiling face in a picture and responding with a thumbs up.
I think as you grow older, you value quality friendships over having a large quantity of friends. I have a small circle whom I care dearly for. We talk. In real life. We also text and follow each other on facebook/Instagram/whatever. But even with my close friends, I’ve found my connections with them are growing weaker, or maybe were never really a connection per se. Texting is easy. So, why not just send a message instead of actually communicating with voices, you know? I will be the first to admit I do not love chatting on the phone, and this is the approach I usually take. While it saddens me these relationships won’t probably ever be soul mate style connections, I still value spending time with them and sharing aspects of my life with them. They are good people — most just won’t fill the role of “my person.” <- Grey’s Anatomy flashback
Over the course of the past year, I have grown into my own skin and have realized what makes me happy. I have learned that having a real connection to someone is important. For me, it’s probably one of the most important things in life. It is hard to have a true connection. I feel like it requires guts. And honesty. And allowing someone to be honest with you. Feelings get hurt when there is honesty, but how does one grow without that? Even with my small circle of friends, I think I only have two really solid, bff style connections. I’ve had to do some soul searching and allow myself to be way more honest with them then I ever had been, but it has been the most rewarding risk.
Ironically enough, I love talking to these two people — on the phone, in person, over text, anything. That is because I can truly be myself with these people and don’t need a filter. We have agreements that we can be honest with each other and that honesty shouldn’t be taken as mean. Yes- both have hurt my feelings more than once. And that sucks. But I have also hurt theirs. And we move on like bffs do and realize we only want the other person to grow. Not being honest stunts growth. Who wants to limit their best friend’s potential?
It’s not that I don’t want to have these life changing connections with more people, but it’s just hard to do. Keeping things superficial and at the “I’ll send them a FB message to wish them Happy Birthday” is so much easier. And I still have a list of people whom I like a lot and I do that with. For me, being nice to people is an essential part of life. I make a conscious choice to not be an asshole. More importantly, I also realize more than ever who I truly need in my life. These people I want, need, and have to invest in and hope they reciprocate by investing in me.
You have many avenues to connect in today’s world, just don’t forget that connecting doesn’t fill the need of a connection.
