Embrace The Spice: There’s No Shame in Loving Pumpkin Spice Everything

This is a controversial statement. For the longest time I’ve put myself in the shadows with my friends and family about this. I really think it’s time to share the truth: Guys, I….

I love pumpkin spice everything.

And you do too.

Take a deep breath and utter those four simple words: I love pumpkin spice.

Doesn’t it just feel better? Your shoulders start to ease up. You didn’t know you had such tension, carried from years of secrecy and embarrassment. There is no shame in our pumpkin spice game. The sooner we embrace it, the sooner we can live as free, unfiltered individuals. We can go forth into the world with a smile on our face and a belly filled with orange spiced sludge.

Become The Basic White Girl

You’ve seen the memes. You’ve heard the jokes. Those white girls with their yoga pants, Ugg boots and weird headbands ordering that pumpkin spice latte with that long vocal fry drawl. It reverberates throughout the coffee shop, causing patrons to wince in disgust.

Stereotypes make us self-conscious. We know what this all means. Pumpkin spice lattes are basic. Boring. Unimaginative.

We find ourselves whispering our order to the barista in hopes other more clever drink orderers don’t hear what we just said. The barista is extremely disappointed in you, slowly shaking his head as he writes PSL on the cup. That is the 756,336,625 pumpkin spice latte they have had to make that day.

You hold the cup in your hands with it’s tender little cardboard sleeve. You touch your hair for the seventeenth time that minute. You take a sip with your BFF while you giggle about being on your cheat day.

Wear your yoga pants, show off those winter curves, and go forth into your respective Starbucks.

Pumpkin Spice is a Lifestyle Choice

It’s a great time to be alive during pumpkin spice season. The lights are being hung around town. You glance down the aisles of your local supermarket only to find each shelf has it’s own respective pumpkin spice flavored version of whatever items you normally purchase.

You grab the gluten free pumpkin spiced pancakes even though you’re not gluten-sensitive. But you should be, you know?

You pour yourself a bowl of pumpkin spiced cereal. Even though it actually wasn’t that good, you just love the principle of the thing.

Pumpkin spice beer? Okay. Muffins? Of course. Deodorant? Yes, please.

Take The Spice to The Next Level

I have a confession: I lather myself in pumpkin spice every morning before I leave the house. Pumpkin Spice is my hypothetical stripper name every time that Facebook quiz rolls around. It is my future mate, my lover, my mother (sorry mom), my seasonally-inclined husband and or wife, depending on the flavor profile.

I wake up drinking it, I go to sleep dreaming it. That strange rust orange filling my senses in ways no other man, animal or spice has ever done before.

So what if I don’t have a job, a future, a past, I have the now and the now is early December.

You know what that means.

That means you have 1.5 more months and then an additional 2 weeks of discounted pumpkin spice. We’re talking stale scones. Scented candles. Weird savory dried meats. Merchandise with little pumpkin charms.

The Time is Now

Dear friends, now is enough. Now is all we have. Let us come together over this controversy versus it tearing us apart. There’s no reason to hate pumpkin spice for it has always loved you. Let go of your hate and your mean memes and give in to what is our modern-day holiday tradition of consumerism, gluttony and seasonal depression.

Most importantly: Pumpkin Spice Lovers are here and we are proud of who we are. It is time to fully and unapologetically embrace the spice. Savor the spice. Cradle the spice in your loving arms as you listen to the rain patter on your window. Enjoy the spice with whipped cream and sprinkled spice on top of that spicy spice. Spice up your life.

The sooner you accept who you really are, who we all really are, the better we will feel.

Happy Holidays!