My Life in the Number of Emails I’ve Written With the Subject Line, “I Am The Worst”

I’m having to cancel a lot of things lately just to stay on top of my pile of work, and I feel just awful about it.

Everyone wants or needs something from me. But I can’t live up to all of those wants and needs — I am just one person with a full-time job and a family and the need to sleep and eat and a thousand other obligations, and my time is so limited. So no matter how much I do or accomplish, all I do is let people down.

I haven’t said “yes” to any new things — I learned about the danger of “yes” and the delight of “no” years ago. Rather, all of my current obligations and previously stated “yes”-es have slowly increased or expanded, much like the universe.

I get up at 5:30 and work until it’s time to go to work. I work from 8–5 at my job. I work over my lunch break. I get off of work at 5:00 and head straight to my daily post-work obligations. I get home at 8:00 or 9:00 and work until I fall asleep. Then I do it all over again.

I want to drop everything and run away and hide, maybe curl up into a little ball and rock back and forth in silence for a while — but I can’t and I won’t. I may be whiny about my situation, but I’m not a coward.

So I look at my multiple-page to-do list for the day and begin composing emails for all of the things I simply can’t make happen:

• I Am The Worst: I’m sorry, but I need to cancel.
• I Am The Worst: I’m afraid I must decline your invitation.
• I Am The Worst: I know you’ve been looking forward to this, but I can no longer attend because something has come up.
• I Am The Worst: I haven’t made your hotel reservation because I haven’t had time.
• I Am The Worst: I know it’s been 8 days since we’ve had a home-cooked meal. But one more night of takeout and maybe then we can sit down and eat together.

What do you do when you feel like you are the worst?