In the name of Him: I wish I really loved you

I know I ain’t gonna post my private life here. But, yeah. This writing is dedicated to someone I admire, and should actually be posted 5 days from now. And I know that I should post my 3 delayed posts instead of this. But — again — yeah.

I am mad with myself
for thinking of you without thinking of Him
I am glad with myself
for letting you go while thinking of Him
then I am mad with myself again
for still wanting you not in the name of Him
then I am glad with myself again
having Him to let everything be what it’d be
in His best ways
including the story of you, and me
Your silence did hurt me
Your ignorance did break me
But that ain’t matter
’Cause at least He wipes my anger away after then
And made me want to be closer and closer to Him
I’m sure that you’re actually just doing the same
I’m sure that I’m just hyper insecure
But I can’t deny that it was painful
While on the other side it was wonderful
It wasn’t like I didn’t understand the poem you made for me
I just refused to
Shaitaan blocked my mind away,
locking me up in this stifling feeling,
which was so called love.
Which we probably don’t know enough
Yes, enough about me, enough about us.
It is your birthday,
So let my wishes for you be said.. my prayer to Him
But let us remember
to watch our thoughts, ’cause they become words
to watch our words, ’cause they become actions
to watch our actions, ’cause they become habits
to watch our habits, ’cause they become character
and to watch our character, ’cause they become destiny
And remember,
that He never gave us a rejection,
but a redirection.
And the shortest direction
between a problem and solution is
the distance between your knees and the floor.
And the one who kneels to Him
can stand up to anything
So good luck to you,
good luck to me and another you,
see you in a good term.

In shaa Allah

To the guy who was born in July, 10th 1994.

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