Who Do I Have to Fuck At Reductress to Get Published By Reductress?
Seriously. I’ll do it.
I know sleeping your way to the top is a woman’s game, and what better place to play a woman’s game than at a feminist satire website?
Here’s why I want to sleep my way to the top at Reductress:
They are Young and Attractive!
I have met a few of the women (and a man or two) who has written for Reductress. They are young! Definitely like, all under 40. That’s great. In most places where you have to sleep your way to the top, the people you have to sleep with are much older. 60+, even! And definitely sexist!
Even if I am straight, it will be much easier to sleep with the young women at Reductress than with old men anywhere else.
They are Smart!
Much like the men who loudly shout that they are fans of Infinite Jest & David Foster Wallace, I am a sapiosexual. I am erotically stimulated by intelligence, I think? I admit my sexuality will be a hard hump to get over if I have to sleep with a gorgeous woman, but I do believe my ability to appreciate *the mind* will help me do what it takes. They have big, beautiful minds.
They Understand Me!
Come on! The content is undeniable, and I feel so understood when I open up www.reductress.com. The thought of their empathy alone puts me over the edge. Also, the idea of being called a horse woman (not a horse girl)during our intimate act. 😏
I Want Them To Publish Me!
I’m not as strong as I look, ok? Even I — a bulletproof creative — crave validation. I do my best to do my own thing, and beat my own drum, and yada-yada-yada, but it gets old! Imagine the fleeting but INTENSE satisfaction of Reductress dropping my words into the ether, and the whole feminist world crying out in simultaneous “YASSS” before immediately forgetting I exist.
That sounds well worth a sexual exchange.