Tell me to smile One. More. Time.

I’ve seen a lot of articles dealing with whether or not it is okay to tell people to smile. There are arguments against it (mostly by women) notably “don’t tell me what to do to my face”, “I have resting bitch face and it gets annoying to be constantly told to smile and be happy when I already was happy”, “men are exerting control over women’s facial expressions and emotions”, “stranger danger”, “it’s often followed up by threats” etc. And there are arguments for it (mostly by men) that can usually be summed up with “I’m trying to be nice and make her happy”, “why would they get offended by a compliment”, “but how else would I approach a potential romantic interest”, “people need to get a life, it’s not a big deal if someone asks you to smile” and other variants.

Of course, the people who have discussed this issue have often missed one big point. It’s not always men that tell women to smile. Half the time it’s other women. It does seem, however, that men are not constantly told to smile and this don’t understand why it bothers people (by the way, to the people who ask why such a simple phrase attracts such hatred it’s because it is generally said again and again and again. Constantly being told to smile gets old fast. If it were just a one time occasional thing people wouldn’t care nearly as much. It’s like if your name is George and everywhere you go people told you to “watch out for that tree” over and over and over again. Add in the occasional random asshole that follows up the phrase with “bitch” or worse and you wind up with a person getting really annoyed when anyone not holding a camera says “smile”.). For most men being asked to smile is a rare event, which is met with either a brief flash of annoyance (huh? But I thought I was smiling?!) or, well, a smile. Then it’s over. Some women also rarely get told to smile (I’m one of them. I have resting Disney princess face and am always smiling) and don’t understand why other people make a big deal of it. These are possibly the same women who will add to the problem by telling people to smile.

Of course, my experience isn’t everyone’s experience, but as I’m one of the people that never really had a problem with the statement maybe I can offer a different perspective. While I have been approached by creepy people on the street before it had rarely been a case of them telling me to smile. In fact, I’ve often been hit with the reverse, people commenting on how wonderful it is that I am happy all the time (this backfired the last time someone said that though, as I immediately broke down in tears because I wasn’t actually happy. My dog had just died and I was really really sick and had just been having a lousy day, smile or no).

As I stated before, while some people have “resting bitch face” I have resting Disney princess face. I am almost never caught not smiling, whether I’m actually happy or not. For me, this is what causes my issues with the statement. If I’m not smiling, it’s usually because I’m really, really upset (not angry though, I smile when I’m angry too). A month ago I had to spend a week in the hospital. I was not happy. I have a phobia of needles and was constantly being poked and prodded. I had electrodes glued to my head, neck and back (and those things itched and made me break out in hives) and was attached to the wall. This was on top of me being sick enough to warrant s week long hospital stay. I was not happy. Yet again and again I was told (by men and women) to “smile” or “keep smiling”. It got annoying to be told this repeatedly. It felt condescending. Not to mention the fact that I had no reason to smile and every excuse to not. Oh, I’m sorry, I am in constant pain and cannot feel my legs and am really cold and yet also sweaty and hot and the hospital has messed up my meds for the third time today but I’m not happy enough for you? Yes. You are totally right. I should smile for you. There is no reason not to, right? Now, the people saying these things meant well. They simply wanted me to be happy. The issue is that smiling on command does not mean that I’m actually happy. There were other people though, that DID get a smile. Those people made jokes or talked to me or smuggled me in some hot sauce to apply to the terrible monochromatic hospital food. And when I smiled at those people it was genuine and, for a bit, I really was happy. These people showed that they cared and respected me enough to realize that maybe I’m not always going to smile. They made me smile by actually improving my mood rather than telling me to fake it. Doing that tends to work a lot better.

So, do you think that maybe we can all stop telling people to smile? Male or female? There are much better ways to cheer someone up.

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