Criticism and contempt are the most destructive behaviors because they tap into men’s feelings of inadequacy. Even if men aren’t aware of, or can’t admit to those emotions, feelings of “not good enough” are ultimately what prompt the reflexive behaviors of withdrawal, counter-attack, or defensiveness. Not coincidentally, criticism, contempt, withdrawal (“stonewalling”), and defensiveness are Gottman’s “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” which spell doom for relationships if not kept in check.
So…how to create a relational environment to foster more empathy and connection from a man? First off, the more stressed a man is the more he’ll be driven to those core coping mechanisms of systemizing and efficiency-seeking, which will remove him emotionally.