The Most Eligible, Part 3: FAQ
Prof Kammerzelt

I’d just like to say that a few times a year I return to your site when I feel the pressures associated with my single marital status overwhelm me. This does not happen nearly as often as it used to, and I truly think coming across your writing a few years ago gave me a greater level of victory in this area. Whether I realized it or not, around the time I found your blog I perceived my simply being single as something sad at best, or sinful at worst. Your blog entries always flood my heart with the freedom only Christ can give, which is confirmation to me that what you are communicating so well is true and right.

I have a myriad of comments and questions concerning various topics. Not necessarily for you, but for myself, our God, and the Church at large.

I am horrified by the naivete with which we speak of dating, marriage, and sex to the youth and young people of the Church. In many ways we teach pretense, and with the legalistic methods we’ve created for “Christian dating” I feel we perpeuate dysfunctional relationships built on religious traditions that do not test, reveal, or improve the quality of a person’s character.

To be specific, I believe we fail to educate youth and adults of both genders in such a way that they will be able to identify in others (and within themselves) destructive and dangerous patterns of insecurity, narcissism, and misogyny which result in verbal and physical abuse.

While this may be a much darker subject for the dating/marriage culture it is a tragic reality which must be addressed over and over again. Mental health professionals need to be consulted and invited into the conversation very early on. While I have never been in an abusive relationship with a man, I have had a front row seat to several throughout my 37 years. Every single one of those relationships existed inside the body of Christ. Inside.

I think we spiritualize and over-simplify everything. We tell young people especially, “Just find a nice Christian girl or guy”. So, as long as he or she has prayed the “sinners’ prayer” they are psychologically healthy? Of course I believe in unconditional love, but that does not mean everyone should head down the aisle as soon as possible. Men and women must be equipped with working knowledge which will guard themselves from harming others or succumbing to dysfunction.

This is why I love your blog entries. The whole of them address the root of dysfunction between men and women.

The above is my greatest concern. Also, I’m not sure if this is a comment, question, or a literary form of high-jacking your blog. It may even be off topic? So sorry! However, deep down, I do feel it is relevant.

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