Pain

(Started writing this a few days ago)

I’m here with my mother at the nursing home. She was extremely confused yesterday — thinking that what we were watching on TV was real and distressed when I had to leave. I came back today because I was worried about her.


When I arrived, I was pleased to see that she had eaten her lunch. I had to wake her up and chatted with her long enough to realize she was still confused today. She was obviously sleepy, so I told her she could go ahead and doze for awhile. That was about two hours ago.

I talked to the nurse about the possibility of another UTI, and she promised to follow up on it. That and pray is all I can do.

It is hellish to watch a loved one slip away from you inch by inch. She lingers in a confused state, and while her physical pain is controlled her emotional torment is not. She does not realize she is seriously ill. She does not understand why I can’t take her home. She thinks my father has left her for another woman, not understanding anymore that he passed away 14 years ago. She thinks they move her to different facilities in the middle of the night. She suffers the heartache of having lost her two children.

Not all pain is physical.