How I gain confidence to become a public speaker, when I did not had the guts to introduce myself to someone.
My journey to regroup myself into a stronger and a confident person from a loser I was who always thought What would people think?
“If you hear a voice within you say ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” Vincent Van Gogh
This is me, a bold- confident person speaking to estimated 1000+ audience in a National level Conference of Engineers in 2013. But that is exactly not the way, I just started.
Couple of years ago, I was a total loser with more love to books and less interest to speaking- to be honest, speaking was indeed a big word for me- I remember, It was my first day in new school and as soon as I entered class, teacher pointed his hand to me and uttered “ You are next, Sarang, you have to introduce yourself to whole class”- All I was thinking at that moment “ How can I just run away, how can I just skip this part of my life, I am not so-special, I don’t know why do I have to introduce myself”. Thinking of which I decided to go Washroom and just lock myself there. I did! I even bunked the whole class.
Just to share shortly, I skipped and bunked like around:
- Dozens of Classes
- Many presentations
- Many gatherings with friends, just because a girl was to join
Very soon, I realized this was not just going to end,I mean it will never for whole life- There is a way may be I can get rid of this all i.e. A suicide may be-I came to realize this is not just going to work, I asked myself — Why I am doing this ? I looked up myself, analyzed myself and I found a creative person inside me, but f*** that creativity, when it even does not intends to come out.
I was a loser, with no friends ( just a video game, that was indeed my best friend), with no existence (my neighbor even didn't knew my full name), with nothing to be proud of- But I always knew, if I just continue living like this, I am soon going to hang myself with fan- and I decided to be as bad-ass as I can be, as bold as I can be, as confident as I can be and as AWESOME as I can be, because That’s my life- I got to decide What to do and What Not to-
From very day, I did it all, I introduced myself to strangers, I nailed presentations, I made girls getting crazy for me, I just did it! But it was not an easy task, it went by step-to-step learning each life lesson. Below here, I have drafted and compiled some of the tips, facts and things I used to do and believe just when I am on low volume to confidence.
1. You always have a choice
Yes, you do have- you can always be a social-extrovert-public person, but ask yourself why? Why do you have to? You can still live a life, can have a job and can get married being a person with low morale and low self-confidence, then why to choose a choice that leads you to something where your confidence is a key to enter. I remember, I asked that question to myself? Why would I have to do that? The answer came as YOU CAN SKIP BUT YOU CAN’T RUN, SOME DAY YOU WOULD HAVE TO and it is because I always wished a leading, a public, globally traveler life for myself- I realized I can just skip times, but I can’t ignore it, someday I would have to so why not starting it off now?
“It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves.” Sir Edmund Hillary
2. People stay or leave- if they were supposed to !
What would people think?
Yes, indeed it was my biggest fear that stopped me from expressing my views in front of class at school, in front of people, I just always had the feeling that “Had there been any blunder or mistake in talking or in presenting, what would people think of me- A Joker perhaps- how would I be able to show my face afterwards” – that particular feeling was really frustrating, inside me I always knew “ I just hate that doing, but I don’t have choices, do I? “. By time, I realized these people – most of them, they are just fucking ass holes, they would never be happy of me, no they won’t, If I win an Emmy Award let’s say, they would probably be saying “ Oh, no you see OSCAR is what you need” – If I even win an OSCAR, they would still be complaining, Yeah OSCAR is good, but you see Noble Peace Award worth’s a lot.
I just can’t- I just can’t make them happy, because I can’t do that, they will ever not be happy, so why wasting my time thinking about those filthy people? Why?
Instead of doing what I realized, I should have to focus more on using that much energy and thinking capacity of brain to some other productive work- You see, people who like you or love you “don’t have reasons to that” They just love you, they will stay even if you broke and become homeless, they just love being YOU- people who were never supposed to be on your side, will never be with you even if you become as rich as Bill Gates.
“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” Eleanor Roosevelt
3. You can never be Johnny Depp- yet you can still presume like him
Well you can’t be like him- for sure. You can be even better or worse, but he is different, so do you are! Appreciate yourself- start appreciating it. Even if you look ugly in your thin mustaches or skinny facial hairs still say “You know look at me, Johnny Depp did once like this” – This will make you feel happy, happiness is all what you need! Don’t try to defeat someone, defeat yourself daily, improve yourself, change comes in by little tiny steps of happiness and satisfaction. This certain feeling just made me a strong me and the best me I can ever be! I remember I used to be good at Computer Networks in my engineering undergrad school, once my friend who was also good at same skill asked me “ Sarang, I know you know it all, but then why do you just don’t rout me when you can” I was so proud and still I am of the answer I gave to him–
You see my friend, I just don’t have to, you consider me in this race to get first, you are wrong, I am even not in the field- I finish sometimes first and I even finish some times last, but not over here and with you – it’s between me and myself!
4. Remember, you will only happen to love one girl in your life
Yeah, I must confess, this was certainly why I skipped most of the presentations and speaking opportunities. I just happen to act shy and feel uncomfortable with girls being around, I just had the feeling “C’mon man, only one thing wrong here and your entire reputation would vain” – and one day, I realized it is same as I say, a girl would stay if she have to, and she won’t if she were never meant to – so why should I try to impress every girl? From very that day, I started cracking dirty jokes in front of girls, I started being more of a JOKER than I was ever- I can now even dance with my shirt off ( of course with pent/ jeans ON- don’t you think of me like that :D) because it does not matter, and believe me “ I always thought it would make me feel worse, but guess what not only girls but each of them started to like me” , started to say “ Woah Sarang, you are so cool, we want to hang out with you”, this made me feel I can do anything I want to do.
“If you’re presenting yourself with confidence, you can pull off pretty much anything.” Katy Perry
5. Make it more of what you are- make people smile today, they won’t be smiling tomorrow
Confidence is a habit, a feeling that you develop within yourself by simply acting as if you already had that amount of confidence you desired to have always- There are people different in views, different in color, different in speaking accent, with different looks but the fact is “They are all HUMANS” so don’t you dare act yourself to be like anyone else- just be yourself! What would those Humans do? They will may be laugh of your speaking accent, they might laugh at how you dress, but you know what? the fact is entirely different then you think of it as be like this:
“I say people who laugh at you for whatever you are- are not cool and happy by themselves, they just can’t digest the difference they see in you, they just don’t understand why they can be so natural like you, they indeed just try to eject their frustrations and immaturity by merely laughing at you, they are faking themselves to be the happiest one, in fact they are not- they can only just laugh! So make them laugh, make them feel happy, because that is what they are craving for, that is what they are looking for to find any means of happiness in their lives, so be a source of happiness to them”
“To anyone that ever told you you’re no good… They’re no better.” Hayley Williams
6. Count to 3- Do it!
Sometimes, all you need to do is “To do the work”. We think a lot on the consequences of what our action would do afterwards and guess what while doing that, we just skip and mislay the energy and little courage we had before. One of the things, I really do when I feel uncomfortable and not in mood is I just count to 3 in my mind and embrace myself to just do it! And I just do it- It saves a lot of time, a lot of energy- No More Frustrations, no more wait!
So my prime suggestion would be “ Don’t worry just let it happen, enjoy the moment- I mean what more would actually be seen if you just don’t do it- you will either nail it or you will have a final answer else wise.
“It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures.” Oprah Winfrey
7. Live life – It’s only one time
I will start this one with a quote, I really love:
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.” Brene Brown
Love yourself, treat yourself with some respect! This life is all yours, choices are yours- Just remember, you live only once- no second lives, why wait then? Why shy then? Why ask “Why” when you can just get things done by believing on yourself and saying to everyone Hi!
Don’t wait now- make a plan and just do it! YOLO
About the author:
Sarang Shaikh is an engineering graduate with an Entrepreneurship mindset. He is Co-Founder and Lead Operations at Outa Circle.com and BDM at TECH TV Pakistan.
Sarang is two times TEDx Speaker and two times GOLD Medalist with a passion to integrate society socially together.
For more about Sarang, follow him on Facebook and preview his experience on Linkedin .
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