the flower pot.
I was going to be a featured extra. The pay was like $160.00 for the weekend. The movie, once I saw it, was-not-all-that. Hundreds of dollars, and time on acting courses, suddenly felt embarrassing. The money could have paid rent. Most of the money, went towards getting to the remote gig, and back home, and other random expenses. After she no longer needed to be nice to me, I was dumped somewhere in the Castro late night (we car pooled); because my neighborhood was too dangerous all of a sudden. This was pay back, of course, because I was seemingly one of the star extras on set.
Eat as much as you can at the crafts table. ‘Don’t never be shamed to eat baby’, southern grandmother’s have said.
An a-Lister stands next to me, and I think about how openly greedy I will be. And, ‘Does his organic mock meat taco taste better than mine?’ Because he is a real actor? Will mine taste generic on top of generic, because I am the fake, like the meat? Just thoughts one might have while on set. Real actors look better in person. Btw.
Real actors also try not to look me directly in the eye, for fear of morphing back into an extra.
‘Oh me? I’m just doing this for now’ I suggest with a gaze of optimism. And: don’t you feel sorry for me smile.
Other extras believe it could really lead to something. Passerby’s look in my direction; I act the part of a main cast-er.
‘Yeah, I made it.’ My posture, and feigned care-free laugh indicates.
As told by other extras:
‘I really think they like you, they used you a lot.’
They didn’t use me, they used me.
Watching the movie, I see the back of my head walk over and talk to another faceless form. And sits down. We are set decoration, no different than a flower pot.
It’s been years since my extra days. I’m a real actor now, on stage. Still no such luck in film. I’m seduced by a casting call that reads ‘featured extra’. There goes those two words again. I flirt back, and prepare to make it happen. But, how could they have edited me out, reflecting on my last gig. I mean, they had me doing everything. And the other extras even said: They really like you.
Then dream unravels itself, shedding quietly to the ground, and eventually blowing away. I wasn’t too keen on being an inanimate object again. Twirled around like a set piece.
I did not make it to the casting call; I bought shoes instead.
