Why did you start?

Sara Pandey
Jul 10, 2017 · 2 min read

My wonderful little laptop has decided to abandon me today, and that is what it took to finally write this article (on a phone).

I’ve been writing here on Medium for around 3 weeks now, and I enjoy it a lot. I’ve done surprisingly well for someone who has only been writing for such little time, and I make an effort to keep up with expectations and try harder with every new article. This entire experience has been like discovering something that you actually love doing, and watching yourself grow in front of your eyes.

Getting appreciation where I expected none has given me great momentum, yet it has also given me a box of expectations and standards, which, again, I didn’t ask for. Every time I sit down to write now, I wonder if it will do as well as this article, or at least this one? Will it at least cross a 1000? It’s a funny sort of trepidation, one where I think what I write is more important than it is while also knowing that I am not as important as I make it sound. The result is pretty obvious: I wait a long while before sitting down and writing.

I make excuses like someone actually forced me to do this, like this is for someone else. It makes me wonder why I started writing in the first place.

  • I started writing regularly because I want to improve and be a better writer.
  • I started writing regularly because I feel like I can be a better storyteller than I am today, and I would like be meet that person.
  • I started writing regularly because I like how I feel after I have vomited everything out on this plain white page and covered it in digital ink.
  • I started writing regularly because I never want that feeling to stop — not for the views, not for the statistics that follow my story.

What is that you like doing, or wish to be better that, that confuses you, scares you, makes you stop every now and then?

No, no, we’re not stopping, the voice says. We’re just taking a break.

What is it that makes you keep going against the resistance, even though it would be much easier to stop? What are your excuses?

Here’s just a small reminder to have a conversation with that voice.

Tell that childish voice in your head why you started out in the first place, your reasons, your goals, and how you’re a little busy to deal with excuses at the moment.

Maybe it would have better luck with the next person. You’re going to keep going.

Sara Pandey

Written by

Battling my ennui. One story at a time.

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