In LA do we make allowances for the people we date? Sometimes I wonder if I would let Guy A get away with all the shit he does if Guy A worked at, say, Blockbuster? I know the answer to that. A loud ass “hell no”.
I mean, maybe it’s not a fair analogy. First of all, Blockbuster is out of business. So Guy A would be in a major situation. But seriously, do we get away with shit because of what we bring to the table? And do we allow ourselves to act up because of what we think we bring to the table?
If we are bringing above average looks, a nice job, a fancy car, super duper social connections, a certain swag…are allowances made for us. Are allowances made to excuse our piss poor behavior?
The way you are treated is important. Communication, manners, chemistry, respect, time invested…these are all the basis for a solid relationship. I look around at the people I know, and start to notice exceptions being made. “He doesn’t call me back, but he’s soooo cute”. “Yeah, she’s kinda bitchy to me, but she’s an attorney, she’s really good at her job.” “You know, he’s really busy, we don’t talk much, but he’s such a talented producer. We have a great connection. I like him a lot.”
Kinda bullshit. Strip away looks, job, income, social standing, boob size, butt size, dare I say it…dick size and what you’re left with is “does this person give me what I am looking for in a relationship”? If the answer isn’t a resounding yes…you’re making allowances. Guilty.
Now, I know we are attracted to certain things. They help round out the package. “His job is so cool!!” “She’s so beautiful!!” That’s all amazing stuff. Super amazing stuff. You should very much be proud of the woman or man you date. Don’t date someone you’re not proud of. Don’t do it. I believe we might call that settling. And that, my friends, is another topic altogether. Date people who thrill you, who you love to be around, who make you want to keep your face out of your iPhone screen. But not at the expense of you getting what you’re after. Making allowances for people’s behavior and the way you feel around them is bad news bears. It’s scary to say “Paul, you’re a great catch, like super great catch, but I’m looking for more.” “Liz, I need more. I need you to communicate, and be kind, and patient.” Not just be the lead in whatever latest hit movie is coming out. Super groovy, but you’re still dating a jerk. And maybe even a moderately dis-interested one. And if there is anything we deserve, it’s someone who is supremely, wonderfully, exceptionally interested in us. We are worth it!
Take stock of what you have going on….does Paul or Liz meet you on the bridge? Or does Paul and Liz’s cool fucking job and beautiful smile keep you trotting all the way over solo. Solo is solo my friend. And a solo bridge journey does not a relationship make. In no way, or no fashion.
In a society that places importance on looks, financial, status, connections, who you know, where you’re going, and career, it can be confusing and difficult to keep our eye on the prize.
The prize is you. You are the prize. And you are worth kindness. You are worth meeting halfway. You are worth receiving everything you give. Get clear on what you want. Be willing to ask people to do better. Then be brave enough to hold them to it. Stop making allowances.
You are the prize.