That LA Thing…
The first date ghosting. LA phenomenon.
This happens. A lot. I don’t know why. I wish I did. You meet. An interest is peaked. You talk. You laugh. You connect. You exchange information. Then the texting starts. Every morning. “Good morning.” Hours upon hours of communication. “How’s your day” “What are you doing?” Laughter. More talking. More connecting. Joking, flirting. All of it. You pick up the phone. Actual real time conversation happens. You spend time on the phone. On the actual phone. Ear to phone, listening, talking. More than minutes. You learn about where they are from, how they grew up, what they love about their job. You become invested in career shifts, mood shifts, how their nights ends. Wow, this is different. Hmmm, this is cool. Hey, maybe this could be something. Sure do enjoy communicating with this person. What do you know, they look good and make you laugh. No way. Then you move on to first date time. And it’s fantastic. You laugh and eat, and drink, and be merry. The conversation flows, the flirtation heats up. You have several drinks, the physical touch starts a cookin. A slight hand here, a longer glance there. You’re on the same page. This is brilliant. The date comes to an end. You’re modestly physical at this point. Drinks have been imbibed, touch has happened and you seal the entire glorious deal with a kiss that shoots you both off on your paths with very definitive and not so pg13 wishes of what’s to come.
Nothing is to come.
The communication slows way down. You get a how are you text the next day, on cue, then really nothing much after.
What I want to know is this….what the fuck happened between the end of the date and no talk-ville?
What hits the automatic cool button?
I get it if the date is not fun, no conversation, no chemistry, he’s annoying, she’s weird, or ugly or meh. Meh can definitely chill shit out.
But if it’s not meh…what is it?
You’re busy. Legitimately busy and that kinda just snowballs into “I like this girl, or this guy, but yeah, I just can’t sustain”
Ok. I think it happens.
You’ve met someone wonderful…but you’re just not there. They are so cool and awesome that they could potentially be the one. And ain’t nooooobody got time for that. You ain’t ready.
Ok. Maybe so.
The freak out?
It’s all just too much. You can’t handle. Can’t hang.
You have a significant other and you were just kidding.
Everyone gets bored. And maybe your morals are flexible. “I didn’t really cheat”
You get high on the chase. Past date 1 is useless to you.
You’ve already met a new date one. You know what they say…if the conversation is getting shorter with you, it’s getting longer with someone else.
Point being something happens…I need to do more investigating into the minds of a man to find out more of the other side.
So. If you’ve just been wined, dined, charmed, and basically talked, over the course of a month, into believing this is a good thing. When do you call abort?
I believe it’s instinctual. I’ll usually know ASAP. Change of pattern means change of mind. No matter what they claim is true. You feel it in your gut. You know. Something is off and my intuition tells me so. This can occur with little to no actual, physical evidence. This isn’t a court of law. This is the court of relationships. And feelings are the deciding factor. You feel a shift. You feel a change. You don’t need proof. You feel it, therefore it is so.
So what do you do when you feel the shift?
I’d say, be patient. Let it ride. You know what they say about time. That shit tells all. Give it a few days, a week. Then move the fuck on. The hardest part is not the moving on. Dude it’s been one date, maybe a few. It’s been a couple of weeks. It’s no big deal. Moving on is not hard.
What we get caught up on is the not knowing…and that shit drives us crazy. What happened?! Was it me?! What did I do?!??
You did nothing. Not your fault. Not on you. It’s on them. 100% their choice, their prerogative, their problem.
The only thing. And I repeat only thing that matters is this:
What is for you, will not miss you.
So let it go. Back into the wind, back into the wild. Say thank you universe for a wonderful night/nights. Thank you universe for the beauty of potential. Thank you universe for the bliss of a chance.
And get your ass back up on the horse.
Now if you’re ghosting….tell a motherf’er. Tell him. Tell her. Fess up. Admit what’s going on. You don’t owe them it. No. But it’s emotionally responsible. Remember that. Emotionally responsible. And we are adults.