Cancer update 4: How I learned to stop worrying and love the steroid

Sara Stewart
Sep 8, 2018 · 3 min read

So it’s been ten days since Chemo: The First One. Happy to report that I’m feeling much better than I was. Confusingly, the steroid they give you pre-infusion makes you initially feel invincible and that you’ve got this whole chemo thing totally under control. (My fear, that the steroid would keep me awake at night, did turn out to be legit, but was outweighed by the not being terribly sick.) That high lasts 48 hours or so, then it wears off and you spend the next most-of-a-week feeling like it’s one of those days when you wake up and go Fuuuuuuuuck, I don’t feel good enough to go to work today. Maybe you still do go to work, but you spend the whole day feeling like crap and then you go home and immediately get in bed. It’s sort of like that. Luckily, I’ve been nothing but graceful and stoic about all of it. [Pause for laughter from anyone who knows me.]

I’ve been a whiny little bitch at times, and Todd is very stoic about that (as he is most things). He finally got the chance to escape for a few days for a long-planned trip to Philly with his brother to see the Cubs play, which he tried to insist he should not do after all. But my mom flew out from the pre-Water Wars southwest to look after me (Thanks, Mom!) so we sent him away. Got the following text that night: “Oh good it’s child cancer awareness night at the ballpark. SO GOOD TO GET AWAY”

I won’t bore/gross you out with the details of chemo except to say No, I’m not losing my hair (which they say I won’t, but who really knows) or barfing, so that’s a relief thus far. Cold drinks make my throat feel… scaly, which is an expected but still kind of alarming side effect. When you bite into things your jaw hurts, but then the pain subsides completely upon subsequent bites. And then there’s this thing called “Chemo Brain” that makes you ridiculously forgetful. The wonders of poison! All of it has now ebbed (with the exception of Chemo Brain, so please forgive any stupid grammatical errors), and I hope will continue to ebb until my next treatment on the 19th. Soon I actually get a week off taking the poison pills, at which time I plan/hope to briefly rediscover alcohol and my social life. (The plan has been slightly adjusted, we found out when we arrived for the first chemo appointment: I’m now doing four infusions over three months and 14 days on, 7 days off of pills, rather than six infusions and 7 days on, 7 days off.)

In the meantime, we’ve been having Peter Sellers appreciation nights at home: “The Pink Panther” led to “Being There” led to “Dr. Strangelove.” Tonight, though, we’re going to learn this song for the ukulele instead.

My CNN piece, written initially in the midst of my indignant battle for pain management with my surgeon’s office, finally ran this week. Got a lot of love from friends and some interesting emails from strangers, including possible leads on a couple of other enticing health care stories. This week also brought the first steps toward getting my medical marijuana card, so things are looking up, with the exception of having to get a “baseline” CT scan next week. Never knew about the quasi-term “scanxiety” before. Now I do.

Kicker of the week goes to my friend Nathaniel, who after hearing about a morning of leisurely waffles and intense backyard birdwatching with my mom, announced: “You make cancer seem fun!”