The Beauty of Failure
How failure helps you achieve your goals
“What are you talking about? If I fail, that’s it, I’ve failed. There is nothing positive in this and I’m too busy trying to soothe my disappointment and mere devastation and find my feet,” some of you might think.
Well, hold on a second.
I bet you already know, deep in your soul, that to fail means to achieve, depending on how you experience it and which are your next steps.
Do you let yourself be a victim of the circumstances, feeling helpless and scared? Or do you accept your failure as a first step closer to your goal? Do you consider failure to be a punishment or do you see it as an experience, which will help you to change and grow?
Failure is in our DNA, and that’s absolutely fine
Failure is in our lives. It breathes the air we breathe, feeds from our negative thoughts and fear; it’s something that, most of us, are deadly afraid of. Instead of accepting and embracing it, we experience it as something to be ashamed of and we choose to run away.
But what if we didn’t run away? What if we decided to stand there, face that ‘monster’ and move on with our life stronger, arming ourselves with lessons learned for next time?
If you’re like me, a human being with concerns, goals and dreams and a life to live, I know how you feel.
You’ve undoubtedly experienced both failure and the fear that comes from it; you’ve felt this disquieting feeling which urges you to eat your nails thinking “ what if I fail?”
You’ve possibly been at the edge of quitting a project because you were not sure whether it was going to turn out as you wanted; you’re afraid to start a new relationship because you’re scared of failing in it; ultimately, you don’t trust yourself, your choices and you stop trying and do you know why?
Because failure is rooted in your core, in your DNA as a human and you’ve learned to be afraid of it. However, in the same way, you can learn to accept it. You’re made of a not-giving-up material and I’ll prove it to you.
But first, let me ask you: Do you know what’s worse than failing?
Yes, you’re right.
Not trying at all.
Whatever it takes, don’t give up
Do you think that only adults experience failure? The answer might surprise you. Just take a minute to consider how often as a child and young adult you felt that twinge in your stomach every time you wanted to try something new.
Now answer this question honestly: did you succeed every time? And if not, what was your reaction?
Like the innocent infant who tries to take his first steps holding his mother’s hand, in the same way humans experience fear or anxiety when they try something new.
The infant doesn’t know whether he’s going to make it or not but he keeps on trying anyway. Sure, at the first attempts of standing he falls; he tries to stand up again but he falls back. However, this momentary failure doesn’t put him off. He doesn’t stop working on it until he achieves the desired result and enjoys its fruits: the joy of walking. He has an innate tendency to not give up.
We’ve all been infants and tried to take our first steps and when we achieved it, I’m sure it was a glorious moment. Later on, when we used our first words to communicate with our family; we were forming and making up words, even if nobody understood what we were trying to say. Ultimately, we got there, step by step. We had no idea why and how we talked but we felt that it was something extraordinary.
Just think of this for a second: How many times have you tried and how many have you failed? Some times you succeeded at first attempt but others you weren’t so lucky or so prepared. So, you had to try again; and again; and again.
How did that feel? Was it worth it? For most of us, the answer will be a resounding ‘Yes!’, although at first it must have been painful. You failed, you kept believing in your abilities and you were better prepared next time. Even if you didn’t make it at all, I’m sure you learned along the way. Your failures became your future successes and are now held as valuable experiences in your life.
Samuel Beckett, Irish novelist, playwright and poet, once said: “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” I love the important message hidden in it and I always try to remember his advice.
What if I fail?
Let me make something clear.
You will fail. It’s inevitable, just like the sun rises on the East and sets on the West. The biggest the goal, the more probable the failure. However, chances are that you won’t fail every time and this depends on how well prepared you are.
“The natural human reaction to the unknown is fear. The greatest antidote for fear is preparation.” Chris Hadfield, astronaut
The power of you
“External conditions can, to a certain extent, reduce, but never cancel individual responsibility.” Albert Einstein
Here’s what that means in layman’s terms:
Unless what you’re aspiring to depends on external conditions, which you can’t totally control, everything else is up to you. You have this magic power in your fingertips to create, to achieve.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t deny that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you don’t get the expected result. There are many factors which can make something go the wrong way; it could be wrong timing, bad luck (if you believe in this) or even the fact that you didn’t want it so much after all or you weren’t properly prepared.
Something to take home
I understand you.
I’m not a person who manages to throw away all the fear and anxiety straight away and thrive in failure. It takes effort and time to learn to manage your fear and everything else that failure provides. But once you manage to throw away all the worry, doubts, and believe in yourself, you will be able to experience the positive stuff it offers.
Next time you will try something new, consider failure as your ally, not your punishment. It depends on you and only you if you succeed in your quest. Nothing else matters as long as you try with your eyes set on the goal. You are the driving force behind your thoughts and actions.
Every time you think “I can do this” and picture yourself where you want to be, you take a step closer to the top of your ladder of achievement. You can almost taste the success. And its fruits are so sweet!
Always remember:
Alternating between failure and success is the basis of your experiences. And our experiences make us US.
So, what are you waiting for? Go out there and dare to fail!
If you enjoyed this piece, you might also like my article, 3 lessons rural life taught me.