An Open Letter to a Heartbreaker

Dear Ex-Roommate,

I think this is something that I've wanted to say for a long time, but I've either never had the courage to or I didn't think I should waste my breath on you. Probably the latter. Whichever it was, now seems like as good a time as any to spill my thoughts. I will acknowledge that I could have said something sooner and that I had plenty of opportunities to speak, but your attitude was more than enough to stop me.

I wasn't the problem. I don't mean to say that in an accusatory or arrogant way, I promise, but I'm careful with how I treat people. I don't treat people like crap and then expect them to treat me nicely in return; it doesn't work like that. Certainly I know that there are more of you out in the real world and that I should call myself lucky that I've only met one toxic person so far, but you were still hell to deal with.

I spent an entire year creeping around on tip-toe wondering when you were going to be mad at me again, and to what extent. No one should have to live like that. You are the only person who has ever made me cry at school. It didn't make sense to me that I would be crying while my friends comforted me, but then I realized something; I wasn't crying just because you stabbed me in the back (that was, of course, part of it), I was crying because of everything else that you did to me. I would like to say I was resilient from beginning to end, but stabbing me in the back was the last straw that just made me lose it. I was trying to hold it in, thinking that in front of my friends I wouldn't cry, but I guess I was weaker than I thought.

Looking back on everything, I know you know you're all alone, but the truth is you know how to sabatoge friendships too well to be with anyone. You had chances, but when you shove them all to the side and abuse them, it's fitting for you to realize that being alone is more of a possibility than ever. I love second, third, even hundredth chances, but after you went behind my back and lied to me several times, I have no choice to but to get rid of the toxicity. I hate that word because of it's defnition and application to friendships, but I have to be realistic. You were toxic and toxic friendships are abusive ones. No one deserves that. I don't, you don't. Tip-toeing around, waiting for you to decide when you wanted to talk to me again, none of that defines a friendship.

To top everything off, I know you wrote a blog post about me, but when you're the one who ruined a friendship because you didn't know how to treat someone who only wanted to be your friend, you certainly deserve it. Being alone is probably the best thing for you at this point. If you can't admit to your wrongdoings, then how do you expect to keep anyone?

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