Growth is a mindset: The 3 ‘life laws’ I live by.
Your growth is dependent on the mindset you create.
This is my favorite painting, my grandma painted it years ago. I love it because the little girl in orange is me, about six-ish years old visiting the ocean for the first time. Each time I look at this painting, I smile. I smile because it shows how little me was full of wonder and adventure.
I don’t have a ton of memories from this age, but I do remember this one. I remember watching the waves and seeing the sea foam stick to the sand as the waves receded. Amazed how smooth the stones on the beach were. Impressed by the different colors and textures of the shells. Most busted from being thrown onto shore, but the occasional shell was still in perfect condition.
I collected each cool rock and perfect shell I found. Well, I thought all of them were cool, so I went home with a backpack full of rocks. This happened frequently actually, sorry mom.
Little Sara was impressed by everything. Ready to explore every inch of that beach. Constant discovery mode.
When I think of myself now, that’s still me. Still the little girl in orange exploring the beach. Now, just much blonder with a less vibrant wardrobe. Today, instead of picking up physical rocks, I’m picking up metaphorical ones.
My constant wonder for all things unknown has led me through some interesting and complex events. These events have taught me to live by 3 rules. You could call them my philosophy, my credo, whatever you want. I call these my “life laws.”
I think in some sense or another everyone has a set of rules they live by, whether they notice it or not. This could be your personal philosophy or a religious lifestyle, but regardless we all follow some set of guidelines.
I’ll elaborate on my life laws and where they came from, but I want you to think about what your life laws are and why.
If someone offered you 1 Million dollars to immediately answer “What is your life philosophy?” Would have earned a million dollars or would you be stuck think about it?
Recently, I’ve been thinking about the last 20 years of my life and where my philosophy came from.
Law #1: I am the only one who is responsible for who I am.
Fast forward 10 years from 6 year old me. Sixteen year old me had no idea how much she’d have to grow up in the next 2 years.
Shortly after I turned 16, I found myself couch surfing every night because I didn’t have a bed to sleep in. Due to unfortunate circumstances, I’d found myself in an unsafe living situation**. My mother’s boyfriend was abusive towards her which led both of us to flee. As a result, I bounced between different friends’ couches for a few months.
At first, I refused to tell anyone about my circumstances. Why? I’m stubborn as hell and I hate to admit I ever need help. Also, sympathy makes me want to vomit. But the biggest reason I didn’t want to tell anyone was because I was afraid of what others would think of me and my mom. I was saving face.
At no point was my being in this position anyone’s fault. Shit happens sometimes. It’s up to us as individuals to choose how we handle undesirable situations.
I felt I had two options.
Option one: I could wallow in self pity, curse the universe, cry, blame, and otherwise do nothing to help myself.
Option two: I could do whatever the fuck it took to change my circumstances.
If we go back to my beach memory for a minute, you can see that we were attempting to build a sand castle. Our sand castle is inches from where the sea foam was lingering. Almost twenty-six year old me with much more sand castle experience knows that if you build it right there, the waves will wipe it out.
The waves wiped it out. Six year old me was kinda pissed, but instead of throwing a fit and being mad about it, we consulted with more knowledgable people (my grandma) and moved our building operation to a different location. Six year old me chose option two.
I continue to chose option two each time I’m faced with a situation I don’t like. This is what formed my first rule: I am the only one who is responsible for who I am.
While couch surfing, I again chose option two. Instead of wallowing in self pitty, I consulted a more knowledgeable party and talked to my high school counselor. Asking for help didn’t put the responsibility on someone else, it was taking responsibility for my self by seeking guidance. As a result, I was able to make a life for myself.
Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help, to get advice, or look up to someone else who has accomplished what you want. But it’s on you to take that, and hustle.
Had I chosen option one, I probably would have never made it to college. Which means I would have never ended up in my career, which means I would have never had the opportunity to move to another country. Which leads me to my second law.
Law #2: Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Two years ago, I received an offer from a company who wanted to hire me as a UX designer in Amsterdam, Netherlands.
My first thought when I got the offer? Holy Fuuuuucccckkk, YES!
My second thought? I can’t move to another country, that’s bananas.
I was 23 years old when I got the offer, just a week from my 24th birthday. I’d been in a web design job I loathed with all my being. I’m talking The-Grinch-Level loathing. Every second of it to the point I was questioning if I’d made the right career choice. But, I was trying to follow my first law and change my circumstances.
When I received the offer to move 4,500 miles (~7200km) to the other side of the planet I started doubting everything. Every choice, every decision. My skills, my goals. All the work I’d put into being a ‘career woman’ that was badass enough to get job offers.
I started to doubt it out of fear. Fear of leaving everything I knew. Fear of leaving my family. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the struggle. Fear of not knowing the language, country, culture, politics, taxes, {insert anything}. Fear of moving to a place where I didn’t know a single person’s name and having to make new friends. What if I didn’t make any friends?! Spoiler alert: I did make friends, and they are the ones that encouraged me to publish this post.
Fear. Fear almost stopped me from doing something most people could only dream of.
I’d started to spin myself a web of bullshit. Webs are designed to catch prey and get them stuck. When I spun my web of bullshit, I was getting myself stuck in a negative mindset. Turning myself into my own prey. My web of bullshit was created with fear of the unknown, of being uncomfortable.
I caught myself before getting stuck, and realized that this was an opportunity of a lifetime. I could not refuse it. This is where my second and maybe the most important life rule comes into play. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
The unknown is scary. Growth is scary. I get it, but guess what, there’s never been growth in the familiar. Familiarity exists because we already know it. To grow, we must identify the space we haven’t been and make it familiar. Then repeat that over and over again until we look back on that #10yearchallenge and be like “damn girl, you did work!” If the person in the pictures doesn’t look the same, the badass inside them shouldn’t be the same either.
So, I looked fear in the face and applied Law #1. I am the only one who is responsible for who I am. I didn’t like where I was at, so it was time to change it. I took the job!
I then started to get really familiar with my second law. Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Living abroad beings a lot of discomfort, but it also beings a lot of excitement. It changes the way you look at the world, but it also changes how you look at yourself. I would recommend it to anyone who has the option because it makes you acutely aware of your habits and thought processes. (I’ll write another post about that later.) As a result, I’ve added a third law to my life.
Law #3: Celebrate what I have, don’t criticize what I don’t have.
As an American, I often find myself practicing some of the unhealthier US workforce mentalities. One of those being the consistent need to outperform and obsess over my job/career. Not something I noticed I did before.
I recently received my performance review at work and I left it feeling pissed off and unhappy. ‘Meets expectations.’ I did my job properly and my manager laid out everything I did well for the year. He thanked me several times for the effort I’d put into my work and he was pleased with my performance. I was still super-fucking-mad about it.
The obsession with my career leads me to have this mentality that if I’m not exceeding, I’m failing. So, I implemented my third law. Celebrate what I have, don’t criticize what I don’t have. I’m not good at following this law, but I’ve put it in place as a constant reminder to not be so harsh with myself.
I often take a shallow look at my life, and start to criticize myself for not being where I want to be, for not being the best. This is one of my many many flaws, but I’ve become more aware of it recently.
It’s easy to obsess over what we don’t have. It’s easy to focus on what we have yet to accomplish. When we fail to celebrate our successes, we fail to see our growth.
Again, let’s go back to little Sara on the beach with her sand castle. When we finally finished building it, we were so impressed with ourselves. We weren’t looking at all the ways if was failing. I mean, it wasn’t structurally sound, it didn’t have ornaments, or windows, but we were happy. We built something. We were STOKED about our creation.
I have to consistently remind 26 year old me to be like the little girl in the orange dress and be proud of what I have just built.
This law is here for me to understand the results of my first and second laws. The first two are the foundation of my mindset, but law three is my reminder to reflect.
When I’m feeling inadequate, I try to take a step back and examine my successes big or small and celebrate them. While I may not have been impressed with my performance, I am impressed with everything else I’ve done in the last year.
As a result of following my first two laws, I was able Ski the French Alps, stand a top the Burj Khalifa in Duabi, and eat Gelato in Rome. If I stayed in my comfort zone, I certainly would not have done those things last year.
Your growth is dependent on the mindset you create. I have three laws that I live by, and they work for me. There are reasons behind each one, and I encourage you all to think about what your rules for your life are and why. If you find later on that your laws aren’t working, it’s okay to overturn them or make amendments. Life changes quickly and just because something was working, doesn’t mean it will work forever.
It’s up to you to create a mindset that drives success. Embrace little you and continue to explore. Create your own adventure and define the laws you live by.
Two decades have passed since I visited the ocean for the first time, but I’m still that little girl who is exploring and discovering. In 20 years, my experiences have encouraged me to live by 3 laws. I encourage you to reflect and understand what your laws are too.
My ‘life laws:’
1: I am the only one who is responsible for who I am.
2: Be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
3: Celebrate what I have, don’t criticize what I don’t have.
If you care to share, what rules do you live by?
Thanks for reading! ❤
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- * If you or anyone you know are in an unsafe living situation, please seek help. There are domestic abuse hotlines in most countries. If you need help finding assistance, please do not hesitate to ask me. My Twitter DM’s are always open.
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