Am I Mentally Ok?
Tuesday afternoon, I arrived at the hospital at 15h 30. That´s when our shift during the week starts. I don´t understand why I was so nervous. My throat was closing up, my heart was racing, and I had the feeling I was going to faint. I had eaten before, and water consumption was also normal. I could just imagine the worst happening, my head was going round and round as I sat on the desk in the emergency room to start calling patients who were waiting. Was it because I would be alone? In our shifts, during the night, we are responsible for the incoming patients in the emergency room but also responsible for the 200 ones already admitted and on the wards. Was I zoning out or having some sort of derealization experience because of how nervous I was? No, surely that doesn´t just happen like that and now I was psych-evaluating myself. The stress I was feeling, and the shift had just begun. I wasn´t going to make it until the end. Was it too bad that I called in sick? No, out of the question. Everybody is going home in half an hour and I don´t want to put anyone in this position when they don´t need to be in one.
Ok, get it together! Get it together! I almost slapped myself. Repeating mantras like “it is going to be a calm shift”.
