The day she died I kissed her face a thousand times.



It’s been almost 10 years.

The day she died, I kissed her face a thousand times. I knew it would be the last time I held your hand for the rest of my life. You were so sick, in so much pain. I know you were afraid to die. I hope you have found comfort now.

Do you remember how I held your hand and lay my head on your shoulder? Even that moment I couldn’t imagine my life without you.

People talk about broken heart in songs or movies until that moment, I had never known a true broken heart. Over and over I thought “How can I live without you?”

When you die, I grieves, then life move on. Yes. I do. Thankfully, I feel happiness again. But I wanting her and wishing she were still here. I will not lie, although you probably already know. That part never ends.

Everyone always asking same question “What is it like to lose both parents? It’s feels like there is no nets when you fell”.

There’s a missing piece I continues to look for, an emptiness I keeps trying to fill. I do know that mother loss can be heartbreaking at any age. No matter how old we are, we yearn for a mother’s love throughout our lives, reaching for the security and comfort, and YES I do believe only Mom can provide at times of illness, transition, or stress.

“I miss her all the time. I know in my head that she has gone. The only difference is that I am getting used to the pain. It’s like discovering a great hole in the ground. To begin with, you forget it’s there and keep falling in. After a while, it’s still there, but you learn to walk round it.” ― Rachel Joyce

I watched you live, I watch you die. Every day I look up at the sky I miss you, Mom.

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