11 Things That Prove I, Michael Cohen, Am Not a Racist

Hello everyone. I am Michael Cohen, Donald Trump’s lawyer. I recently took to Twitter to announce that despite supporting known racist and President of the United States, Donald Trump, I am not a racist. In fact, I am so not a racist that I made a pic collage about it. Some of my best and only black friends were in my photo collage, including Omarosa (twice) and bloggers Diamond and Silk (also twice). Many of you weren’t convinced of my defiant anti-racist gesture so in an effort to further convince you of what a raging non-racist I am, here are 10 more ways I can prove it.
1. My Bar Mitzvah featured a heavy rotation of Boys II Men peppered with that one song by Montel Jordan.
2. I saw Madea’s Family Reunion in the theater.
3. I freaking love Dallas BBQ.
4. I like big butts and I cannot lie.
5. I know all the words to the theme song of ‘Fresh Prince of Bel Air.’
6. I look like Eminem’s thrice-removed Jewy cousin.
7. My suits are all “on fleek.”
8. I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. (Ok, that one is a lie.)
9. I publicly (but not professionally) defended Tiger Woods from that white woman he cheated on.
10. Taye Diggs was my favorite character on ‘Private Practice.’
11. I’m down with OPP (Obtuse President’s Policies).
