parallel lines of LANY that i’ve found in you
If I had to describe you with a song, it would be “you!” by LANY.
Like an angel in a nightmare
You opened up my eyes
Looking in all the wrong places
You’re the one I needed this whole time
I wasn’t looking for anything until you showed up and willingly gave me some of your warmth. I instantly recognized you as one-of-a-kind; someone who walked on the outside of a sidewalk, who held all the doors open, who stared at me and whispered the word ‘pretty’, who secretly took candid pictures of me, who wanted to greet my strict mother — that hates it whenever her daughter went on a date, who apologized on the first date because you’re scared of making mistakes.
In return, if I could do one thing before I die, it would be to spend the remaining time with you. If it’s raining, I would gladly cover your head with my bare hands. If you feel exhausted, I would give you space as wide as the ocean since you really value your personal time.
Yet, you told me we’re not meant for each other, and somehow it suffocates me until I feel like dying without ever being able to hold you again. You chose to spend your time with your world and didn’t need your head covered by someone else’s hands while it was raining. You never needed the ocean-wide space; you just don’t need me. You never did.
Now, you made me feel like choking on my own tears while listening to “‘Cause You Have To” by LANY.
As for me, LANY aimed the pistol at the bullseye and shot me dead when they said, “I can’t see tomorrow without you today”. The irony unfolds when LANY questioned, “Do you only love me ’cause you have to?” when deep down I sensed you never even did.
A fortnight was too short, yet you’ve already chosen to quit, and I’ve chosen to despise LANY’s songs for the rest of my life as I can’t despise you; not even a little bit. I still ache for you as I walk down the street where we used to have a simple dinner, I still mourn on the train reminiscing about you talking about your future plans, I still remember the way you laughed and threw your head back laughing at my unfunny jokes.
I could barely breathe when LANY brought me back to reality and hit me in the face by saying, “I hope you find somebody who’s got everything you’re searching for” because I’ll never be ready to see you with anyone else. I’m not as tough as the weights you lift in your workouts nor am I as enchanting as the subtle jingle of your chain necklace.
And if I ever find the courage to hope for that, may it be me in the spotlight.
