16th October

There are so many habits I have that I want to eliminate. And it’s just so easy to do it — it’s just all a matter of willpower and discipline.

I told myself that I had shit willpower. And if I believe, then indeed I will. So here’s to changing that mindset

I schedule my free time into hourly segments of productive work, everyday. When I’m not being productive, I feel guilty. So perhaps that’s a willpower in itself to not lounge around and do fuckall.

Something I would like to implement in my life is CHILLING. How does one chill? I even Googled last night ‘people’s day schedules’ to try and understand what people actually do. Are successful people actually productive 24/7? Of course, i loaded it and got distracted by funny videos instead.

So here’s to changing myself.

  1. Doing one thing at a time and finishing it. Not starting something midway through.
  2. Not sitting on my phone/computer for a good hour scrolling through bullshit on Facebook. Did Facebook actually further me? Shall I just delete it? I’m tempted. It is the easiest way to get in touch with people though. So maybe I should just man the fuck up.
  3. Writing on this blog everyfuckingday. Even if I had a boring day and…fun fact. This is how I start my conversation with Mimi, without fail. And he teases me for it.

Mimi: How was your day? What did you get up to?
Sara: I woke up…then I ate breakfast…then I did….

The ‘I woke up’ part is completely unnecessary but I need it to sort of align my thoughts! ARITE? So I will start perhaps just blogging without caring if you, the reader (if there exists any readers) even need

So this week, I have been really fucking emotional. (PMS, just sayin’) What is this tumultuous shitty week that women must experience? I didn’t think it was true, at first, but the past 2 months of PMS have been fucking destructive. I just re read my typing and I say fuck a lot. I wanted to make this blog open to my family but I’m not too sure now. And i feel like if i don’t say fuck, I don’t really express myself well. That’s poor language effort on my part, isn’t it? No more fucks. Khalas.

I also have this extreme hangup about sleep. Having to the get the PERFECT amount of sleep. I guess if I’m examining myself I’m actually quite neurotic, and I don’t trust whatever I experience. I think there’s always a BETTER existing situation — that the one i’m in hasn’t been maximised. BANG ON, man. That’s my problem. So anyway, I woke up and felt like shizer. Went to my physio, worked up a nice sweat — she’s a sweet lady but I’m scared that she doesn’t actually know what’s best for an active person like myself.

I then had a pretty unprodudtive time working in Starbucks. I went and treated myself to a massage which perked me up. Went back home and planned to study, but Auntie Diana was home. I was feeling antsy because I had planned to become more productive; but of course with Auntie D there I felt like I had to sit there and spend time with her. And so I did. and i was really antsy and anxious the entire time.

Then went off to teach Amna and Hamda — I KEEP EATING OREOS AND CHOCOLATE AT THEIR HOUSE. How to say NO, man. CONTROL YOURSELF. BUILD YOUR WILLPOWER.

TO WRITE:

  1. An article on willpower
  2. An article on procrastination
  3. An article on positive thinking

Beaut.

There we go. I wasted last night by watching funny videos of a vlogger called Superwoman (who had conveniently made 2 hilarious videos about women and PMS) and watched videos of crackheads. That scared me. And made me feel a little bit unahppy about the human race.