October 7th ranting

I woke up this morning groggy and snoozed my alarm. I don’t fall asleep very easily. When I’m next to Mimi, though, I pass out. Something about him makes me fall asleep (haha).

Probably owing to the fact that I must be ‘alert and at my very best’, I have a huge hangup and sleeping. Am I getting enough hours? Am I getting too many hours? HOW MUCH DOES ONE SLEEP? HOW MUCH DO YOU SLEEP? WHAT IS THE PERFECT EQUATION FOR PERFECT LIFE FUNCTIONING?

I guess I have a (slightly. Just slightly) neurotic personality and get easily obsessed over stupid shit. Stuff that’s self-centred and frankly, unimportant. Wish I had distributed all the time which I obsessed over calories and understanding of nutrition to other ACTUAL constructive activities. Maybe it’s good that I have a basic understanding of what’s healthy (unlike my Gma who thinks cheese is good for her…gah!!!) so that when I’m older I can handle more important issues.

So anywho. Yeah. I get ideas into my head and then I think they manifest into reality if I let it. For example, I met up with Sofi yesterday and she mentioned she was ill. Had she not said anything, I wouldn’t be worrying. But I woke up this morning COUGHING and saying to myself, FUCKKKKK I am god damn ill.

WHAT AN INCREDULOUS THOUGHT! I surely cannot get ill in that short space of time. And NO, me sleeping more isn’t because I’m getting ill. Chill out, Sara.

I began my morning with my leg exercises and on the bike — and watched videos of Elliot Hulse talking about lyf and philosophy and shit (Thanks Tom ☺), and he talked about IMAGINING whatever you want and VISUALISING your dreams into reality.

Now, that’s basically ‘The Secret’, something my friend Catherine believes in. We had a great heart to heart about this when we were younger in 1st year uni, and I really do believe that it’s true. If you go around being negative and think your life’s shit, your life will definitely BE shit. You will carry around this energy of self-pity and negativity that’ll never let you progress to improve yourself.

So if I already ‘know’ all this, I should surely implement it in my own life?

I find living without a schedule makes it difficult for me to function ‘efficiently’. When I have many things to do, such as lectures, dance classes, meetings with people, etc. etc. I seem to juggle my free-time more efficiently.

However, my life is one bigass blur of freedom at the moment. I should segment my time more wisely, with allocated STUDY time for Arabic. With allocated READING time for my books. Allocated mu-fucking everything.

Let’s start with more meditation, too.

So, here’s to me beginning my transformation to improving myself. Hope I can inspire you to do the same.

Sarsoooooori