PinnedMember-onlyI Was Born In Odessa UkraineWe left as Jewish refugees in 1994 and live in America. This is how it feels to watch from afar as your homeland is attacked. — I was born in Odessa, Ukraine. Last week, Odessa was invaded by Russian forces. As was the rest of Ukraine. By the time of my publishing this, hundreds of Ukrainians have died. If I was still in Ukraine, I could be dead. Far more likely though, I would be alive…Ukraine11 min read
Published in Human Parts·PinnedMember-onlyWhat No One Tells You About Becoming a DadA few analogies to explain the first nine months of parenthood — I’m sitting in the backyard with four other people. Two of them are my friends, Chase and Michael. The other two are infants. Don’t worry, the babies aren’t randos — we know these lil idiots. Chase has a one-year-old and I have a nine-month-old. They are our children, and we…Fatherhood8 min read
PinnedMember-onlyParenting While SelfishThe night George Saunders Ruined My Life Lauren and I are in bed and we’re reading out loud to one another, a rare treat for us these days as The Parents of a One Year Old. We are reading Congratulations By The Way, a short George Saunders essay based on…Fatherhood13 min read
Published in Human Parts·Jul 20Member-onlyWhy Parenting Is Like an Escape Room You Can Never EscapeGreat for team-building! — You jolt awake in a groggy haze. It is dark and a baby is crying. It is 3:43 a.m. and your baby is crying and crying and CRYING. You’re up and you’re confused — didn’t you just do this? Doesn’t…Parenting12 min read
Jul 11Member-onlyHow I found freedom from hellsite addictionaddicted no more am I (also speak in yoda do I now) I love tortilla chips. If they’re around, I will eat them until they’re gone. This is most notably a problem at Mexican restaurants where they — and I don’t think this should be legal btw — provide you…Productivity7 min read
Jun 6Member-onlyWait the Piña Colada Song is about what?!get ready for your mind to be blown We all know the song. It’s classic. But do you know what the 1979 Rupert Holmes hit is actually about? Based on the chorus — “if you like piña coladas, and getting caught in the rain” — it sounds like any other…Music10 min read
Jun 1Member-onlywtf my therapist thinks I’m normal?what the actual heck? Ok he didn’t actually say that, but at NO point in our first session did he come out and say I was special, so, ipso facto, one can only deduce that I am not special and thus simply normal. And that, my friends, is not good…Therapy5 min read
May 30Member-onlyI hate when artists say “if you can do anything else as a job, you should”don’t tell me what to do ya frikkin weirdo I hate the ‘if you can do any other job, you should’ bullshit that successful artists say. Its not true. And it has messed with my head for so long. …Writing Tips2 min read
May 26Member-onlyWhat if it was your kid?What would you do? — I don’t know what to write, but I don’t want to write nothing because that feels even worse. I feel numb and I feel angry that I’m numb because being numb is part of the problem. I feel helpless and I feel angry that I’m helpless because that is part…Politics3 min read
Apr 29Member-onlyWanna write consistently? Donate to Trump if you don’t.Or whoever you hate, but like probably it’s Trump right? — A few months ago, I sent $100 to my friend Paul Millerd on Venmo. I told Paul to donate the $100 to Trump unless I published four blog posts on Substack by the end of the month. It worked in February, it worked in March, and as soon as I…Writing2 min read
