
Lorad
Mystified by the tiny specks of green illuminating from her eyes, he couldn’t help but daze off as she spoke to him. The scene had been laid out in his mind a thousand times. She would be in her weakest form, unkempt and disordered, only kept still by her own stability of mind and health, despite her conflicts. She would only wish to stay a moment, but keep herself much longer than they could either intend. It would be then, he thought, that she would need him most. It would be then, he thought, that she would give in to years of what they had felt been a linger between them. It would be then, he thought, that the birds outside his window would never return, and she would lay peacefully beside him, until they awake the next morning. Afterwards she would apologize and leave him there, sitting as he was when she appeared, leaving him only with the thought of her beaming chartreuse eyes. As he sat in meditation, he pictured how she would look as she left. He fixated on that for a brief moment, then returned to the beginning of his sequence, replaying the entire scenario once again.
After becoming acclimated to this idea as she stood before him, it became uncomfortable that his trance must be obstructed from the seemingly awful news he was receiving from her dry, cracked lips. On any other day, this would be but one of many heartbreaks that he has received in his lifetime, leaving him feeble and subdued. It was on this day, however, that he, despite his shortcomings, decided that he will never weep for those that don’t deserve it. It was good news to him, then, that he would be challenged on his newfound convictions so quickly. To him it felt as though he was given a sense of purpose to respect these convictions and lead what he considered a more admirable life.
Yet, despite all of this, there she lay in between his gleaming eyes. The very same gleaming eyes that spilled a dark blue sea — one which perfectly complemented her tiny specks of green. Once more going over his lustful dream, he had forgotten where he was for a moment. She stood before him, like every other time — unkempt and disordered — only this time he wasn’t fixated on her. His head slowly fell behind him, and his body began to float into the air and out of the window. Through the streets and into the pale sky, he had shifted into the breeze, going wherever it told him without question. And into that pale sky with no objection, she didn’t even cross his mind. That’s what it’s like being completely free, he thought to himself as he left behind any trouble or concern exiting her lips. Never again would he linger on something like this. Bad news and worried concern did nothing but stop him in his tracks — but not anymore, he thought.
He began sinking silently onto the sea, his silhouette visible from underneath. But, in no immediate hurry, he left some time in between himself and the waves. There was, of course, no reason to overthink a scenario such as this one. There was, in fact, no reason to think in a scenario such as this one at all, he thought. And that was the last thought he had. From that point forward, he let his mind do its own work without restriction. He continued without any stress or worry from within him — only a lazy body juxtaposed by a busy imagination.
His cold skin began to slowly pierce the water. And the closer he got, the less he dreamed. He no longer cared about the girl or whatever it was he had intersected back in that place. He was in a mystic, almost mythical part of himself that he had never fully explored — and he wasn’t interested in going home. For a while he floated — weightless among the fish and other creatures surrounding him. For a while he was without anything inside him. Eventually, however, he began dipping slowly underneath.
First it was his feet, then his legs, then his torso — soon enough, he found himself completely submerged in the murky sea. Before very long the water deprived him of breath and he fell slowly to the bottom, looking up at the small bubbles forming above him. He let out one wicked scream, depriving him of whatever air he had left, and he began to drown. Forming a circle around him, a myriad of sea creatures had surrounded and watched him writhe. He twitched his body as many ways as he could, but as the veins on his forehead grew bigger and his eyes grew wider, he felt himself give in more and more.
As his eyes began to close and his body sunk further into the darkness below, a shining beam of light appeared before him. It was a white tunnel before and beneath, above and beyond. That’s the way, he thought. It was all testing him — every second of it, and he relived the whole thing. His head picked up, and the water splashed into the tunnel — giving him the air he desperately needed. A door closed behind him and the water slowly drained from the tunnel. Erasing this case from memory, that had been a really risky task to put on himself. But, nevertheless, he saw it through. He saw it through and didn’t complain once. Now he stood alone in a tunnel and nothing was stopping him from moving forward — so that’s exactly what he did. He moved forward and forgot about the water or the girl or whatever it was she had told him that sent him here in the first place.
If his mind was at his head; duly was his brain onto his mind. He walked interminably into an old home and from his aching eyes a new one was born. Looking after thoughts from yesterdays that had past, yet unlike anything before — a waking idea, open again. Now from this last moment, a blinking moment, pushing on and off until those words struck.
