The Newest Turtle
CHAPTER 1 — “THE BEGINNING”:
“OH NO” shouted Leonardo as he fell through the roof of a suburban house. He fell right at the foot of a cool bunk bed shaped like a double-decker bus. Who was in the bed? It was Bobby Kendricks, a cool middle-schooler from Des Moines.
“Where am I?” asked Leonardo and scratched his head.
“Well duh you are in my house in Des Moines. I am Bobby and I already know who you are!” said Bobby.
“Well I guess you will be the newest ninja turtle then. I will call you Bobatello.” said Leonardo as he gave Bob a headband and a belt. The headband was camouflage and Bobby knew that camouflage would be his official Ninja Turtle color. The belt was black and had a “B” on the front. Bobby knew that the B stood for “Bobatello”.
“So what will be your Ninja Weapon?” asked Leonardo. “We have many but you can’t use a Bo Staff or a Katana Blade or a Numbchuck or a Sai Fork because we already use those. Maybe you would like to use a Metal Glove or Bow and Arrow?”
“No” said Bobby, “I will use a Ninja Gun because…. I ALREADY HAVE MY OWN!”
Bobby reached under the mattress where he kept his Playboy and found his Ninja Gun. It was black like a ninja outfit but it had a buzzsaw blade on top that was yellow and on the side it had yellow writing that said “WIDOWMAKER”. Bobby had been practicing in the backyard for years and listening to Avenged Sevenfold so he knew how to use it well.
“Wow” said Leonardo, “A real Ninja Gun. I guess you have made up your mind.”
Bobby was excited to be a Ninja Turtle but not surprised about it. He knew his whole life that he would eventually be a Ninja Turtle because he was pretty much the best martial artist in his school and also the world.
Suddenly Leonardo struck a cool pose. “HEY BOBATELLO!” he said. “LET’S GET SOME PIZZA.”
Bobatello fist-pumped hard. He knew he was about to hang out with his new family of Ninja Turtles.
CHAPTER 2 — “PIZZA TIME”:
Bobatello walked into a room inside the sewer that was the Turtle Hideout. But this room didn’t smell like poop like the rest of the sewers. Instead it smelled like pizza!
That was because when Bobatello and Leonardo arrived at the hangout, there were already forty-six pizzas waiting for them and some of them were even pepperoney which was Bobby’s favorite.
“Where did these pizzas come from?” asked Bobby. He was confused because he did not see Leo order any pizzas on their way to the Turtle Hideout.
Leo told Bobby about how Ninja Turtles have a telephatic psychic link to all pizza places in the world and how they can just think about pizzas and the pizza places get the order and then they deliver it in ten minutes and the delivery person is always a hot babe. Bobatello knew that this was a special power and should never be abused.
As Bobatello ate pizza with Leonardo he asked “Hey Leo where are the other turtles and Splinter?”
Bobatello looked sad. “They were killed by Shredder in a fight.”
“Really?” asked Bobby. He couldn’t believe that some of the Ninja Turtles could have been defeated. He began to get sad too.
“Yes.” said Bobatello. “It is very sad that they’re dead but that’s how it is so that is why I recruited you.”
Bobby nodded in a serious way but suddenly he heard a rustling from behind him. When he turned around he was surprised to see the other turtles, Raphael, Michealangelo, and Donatello behind him wearing funny party hats. Splinter was also there but did not have on a hat.
“SURPRISE” yelled the Turtles.
“Oh man Leo you really got me, you turd-burglar.” said Bobby and everybody laughed because they knew it was funny.
“Yes I’m sorry but it was hard to resist because I knew it would be funny when you were sad for a minute. Hah hah, what a pussy. Just kidding.” said Raphael who was known as the prankster of the bunch.
Everybody laughed again and then the other Turtles ate pizza too. There was a big food fight but then things got quiet as Splinter emerged from another room with five brown paper bags.
“What is in those bags?” asked Bobatello.
Splinter pulled down the top of one bag to reveal the lid of a 40 of beer. Bobby was excited because he had drank lots of beers before and was mature for his age.
“ALL RIGHT BEER” said Bobatello. “But I am only 13.”
“That’s okay” said Leonardo, “Now that you are a Turtle you can drink because Turtle years are people years times seven!”
Everybody laughed again but deep inside Bobby knew he was very lucky because now he could get drunk like his dad, but instead of watching football he would be fighting the evil forces of the Foot Clan.
CHAPTER 3 — “BOBATELLO IN CHARGE”:
It was three years later and Bobatello was becoming the leader of the Turtles. Even Leonardo saw that he was the best martial artist and he was great with his Ninja Gun. He had shot so many Foot Clan soldiers that there were only three left and they were very scared of him.
Bob walked into a special meeting and Splinter told him it was now his duty to command the team and also design new uniforms. Leonardo seemed a little sad but he knew that Bobatello was the best Ninja Turtle and deserved the job so even he cheered when the other Turtles were cheering for him. They ate pizza to celebrate but Bob got right to work desiging the new Turtle outfits.
The new uniforms were really cool, the Turtles now all wore pants and those pants were skinny jeans from Gap and the Turtles also wore cool vests that were leather and had zippers everywhere and also Ray Bans and Air Force Ones. Instead of their Ninja belts they now had Batman Utility Belts that were filled with gadgets and bombs to beat enemies with. They also had special mechanical wings that made them fly and they all had laser cannons instead of hands but only on one side so they could still eat pizza.
“Cowabunga!” said Michaelangelo when he saw the new outfits. “These are really PARTY TIME!”
Soon the Turtles were on the roof of a building testing out the mechanical wings. They were scared at first but then Bobatello jumped off the building. His wings began to flap and he started doing cool barrel rolls and flips. When the other Turtles saw how much fun he was having they also jumped off and soon there were four Turtles in the air and they were all doing tricks.
But suddenly Bobatello saw something below. He saw the Technodrome which was the Foot Clan homebase but also a moving drill. It was where the evil Shredder and Krang made their plans but this time it wasn’t underground, it had drilled into the middle of the city.
“C’mon guys,” said Bobatello, “It’s time to show the Foot Clan who is boss!”
CHAPTER 4 — “THE POWER OF NINJA MUSIC”:
When the Turtles flew down from the sky they saw that there were about a million Foot Clan soliders on the ground already and they were all ready to fight. It looked like an ambush for sure.
“Oh no, we’ve fallen for an ambush!” yelled Raphael but it was too late to turn back.
“PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM, TURTLES!” yelled a loud voice over a loudspeaker. Bobby knew it was Shredder, the Turtles’ enemy who was covered in armor with points and blades. He knew Shredder was behind the ambush.
The Turtles landed but they landed in the middle of a circle of Foot Clan soldiers and all of the soliders had baseball bats and bo staffs and they started to try to hit the Turtles. The Turtles were tough but there were many Foot Clan so the fight lasted forever.
“We have to do something,” thought Bobatello because he knew they had started to lose the fight. Suddenly, he had an idea.
Quickly, he pushed a hidden button on his new outfit and a secret compartment opened to reveal an electric guitar. He took out the guitar and it was cool as heck, it was purple had two different necks and a whammy bar and it was shaped like a rifle.
“What are you doing?” asked Leonardo. He was thinking that maybe it was a mistake to let Bobby be in charge after all.
“Your suits have buttons too!” Bobby yelled as he tuned his guitar. Foot Clan were sneaking closer and closer as the circle of fighters got smaller and the Turtles were back-to-back in the middle.
The other Turtles hit the buttons on their suits and were amazed. A giant keyboard emerged from Donatello’s back. Leonardo was soon holding a microphone. Michaelangelo’s entire costume became a cool-ass drum set that could hang upside down and do flips. Raphael was on the bass.
“C’mon guys, ONE TWO THREE FOUR” yelled Bobby and the Turtles began to play a song that was fast and heavy. It sounded like The Used except mixed with Sum 41 and the song was really good. Even though they had never practiced as a band, the telepathic psychic powers they had let them know how to play the song. Leonardo began to sing.
“Don’t mess with the Turtles
You know we came to rock
Don’t mess with the Turtles
Cuz you know we’ll never stop”
Leonardo was a good singer and the Foot Clan were starting to rock out pretty hard but Bobby knew he had to kick it to the next level so he played a solo that was so fast that the guitar started to smoke. He played so fast that you couldn’t see his hands, only a blur. Soon the Foot Clan were rocking REALLY HARD.
Michaelangelo played a drum solo and then Raphael played slap bass. It was Donatello’s turn so all the music stopped and he played a really fast Beethoven song. The Foot Clan was going crazy but they were still advancing with their weapons so Bobby decided to unleash his secret weapon, a rap.
Bobby grabbed the microphone and yelled “CHECK ONE TWO!” Suddenly the music stopped and everybody stared at him. Bobby knew this was his chance to win the fight with music but he had to give it everything he had. Suddenly Donatello began beatboxing and Bobby kicked in to the lyrics of “One Shot” by Eminem.
“You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime”
Bobby was rapping real hard and sweating but the Foot Clan was feeling the beats. They knew that Bobatello was a great rapper that sounded just like Eminem. The Foot Clan all started to “raise the roof” and then their heads all started to explode one by one.
“ALL RIGHT!” yelled Raphael as the last Foot Clan head exploded. “You defeated the Foot Clan with the power of rock and rap!”
“YOU GOT ME THIS TIME BUT I’LL BE BACK, TURTLES!” yelled Shredder over the loudspeaker as the Technodrome drilled back down under the ground. Soon the city was peaceful again.
“Bobatello, you are a great leader.” said Splinter as he crawled out of a manhole holding thirty pizzas. Everybody ate pizza and laughed but they knew that there were many more adventures to come…