An Open Letter To Cis Straight White Men

Before I start, this is my first article on here. If the few people that do see this would pass constructive criticism on this, that would be great. Thanks so much!

Hey guys!

It’s me, a cis straight girl of color with a complicated name. I promise that this isn’t going to be bitter (mostly). All I’m going to be doing is trying to show you a bit of your privilege, and past that, what you can do with it. I’m going to start with the two privileges we have in common and we can work together on these ones.

Being cis: Now, this one, to me, is pretty simple. Stand up for people who are transgender. Even if you do not personally agree with them, that shouldn’t stop you from helping somebody who is being oppressed. You can support people even if you don’t support their decision. This is very, very important to remember. When someone starts bashing transgender people, saying things like “He-She”, “tranny”, etc, we have to step in. That is our job. We have to wield our power as cisgender people and stop others that are using their power in a negative way. We have to. If we let it happen, we are telling the people attacking that it is okay to attack, that it is okay for the situation to escalate. And equally as bad, we are telling the person attacked that they deserve to be attacked, they don’t deserve help, that what is happening to them is okay. BTW: this same idea should be used with intersex peeps, androgynous peeps, really anyone who isn’t cis.

Being straight: Again, super simple, same idea with the cis thing. Stand up, loudly, for anyone who has a different sexuality as us. It’s okay that you don’t agree with it. Guess what? They don’t want to take anything from us. They aren’t going to take over the world with rainbows. The lesbians* aren’t going to turn all of the women gay. They won’t. If one of your lady friends does come out to you, she was already there. REALLY. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. And for God’s sake, it wasn’t cause she didn’t “meet the right guy”. All of your gay friends won’t suddenly start hitting on you. If they do, just respectfully turn them down. It’ll be fine! Really! It’s how things like that work in the world, my friend. Seriously though, just respect their decisions, even if you don’t agree with them. Support people that are being attacked somehow. Do not be a bystander. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it. The reasons are very similar to those that you saw above.

Now, on to where we differ. I am a girl. Of the female variety. Super duper feminist, too. Yo fam, by the way, the definition is that I want all genders to share the same rights, not just women. So don’t get it twisted. It offends me. Aright. So.

Males: I can’t talk for my entire gender, but here’s my idea. The fact is, women undergo a lot of really messed up stuff on a daily basis, like being street harassed, or harassed on the job, or beauty standards, or being sexualized a ridiculously young age. It’s not cool. The first thing you can do is realize it happens. Be aware. Don’t condescend or put down our experiences. Listen, even though if it makes you uncomfy. The second thing you can do is…you guessed it…stand up for women/girls! Yeah, it’s really similar to everything else I’ve been saying. If you see a man being sexist, be that jokes, snide remarks, subtle put-downs, or anything else, say something. Stop them. Be respectful, like your grandmother told you to. Or grandfather. Or like, whatever gender your parents parent was. And the last thing is that you should support or even create laws that enforce punishment for street harassment, or maybe even the pay gap! Woooo absence of a pay gap (*coughs*and thigh gaps*coughs*). Anyway, if you use your male privilege well, you can actually start making it so that privilege won’t exist. Oh, and if you could also encourage your male friends to do the same thing that would stellar :).

And now, on to race. This is a really interesting thing for me to talk about because both my parents are mixed with black and white, which means I turned out looking like I was from 50 different places in the world. This gives me a very interesting vantage point on race. So, here we go folks!

Whites:I can’t speak for my entire race, like I can’t speak for my entire gender, but again, here’s what what I think. First of all, institutional racism is very different from just plain ‘ole discrimination. Black folk, (and i’m sure other races as well, but I have done more research on black people cause, well…yeah) undergo institutional racism. So that means that it isn’t individual events in our life that we can say oh, that one time was racist, that one person was racist, it’s more like, the government was just racist towards me, the police were racist towards me, gentrification is racist and kicked me out of my home, etc. Here’s a fun fact: poor whites live in richer neighborhoods than middle-class black and Latinos. That means their children have less access to good schools, which hurts their chances of getting a scholarship to college, which places them in student debt, if they even can go, so kids from middle class black families basically come out of the house already in debt. It sucks. Anyway, I’m off topic. What can you do? It’s similar to everything else, you know, stand up for people, don’t let others make jokes, listen to problems, but also, laws. People listen to your whiteness more then they listen to people of color. When there is a law that will make life better for people of color, support it. So yeah. Stand up for people and legislation.

Thank you so much for reading. Before I go, I would like to say a couple things. Firstly, I believe that everyone struggles. Just because you have a lot of privilege doesn’t mean that you haven’t had any problems, be that mental health, be that physical health, be that physical/verbal/emotional abuse, so on. I wholeheartedly believe that every person is different. I do not think that you are like every other white cis male. Secondly, I appreciate the white cis male who came here who wasn’t racist or sexist or homophobic or transphobic, but had some tendencies that were prejudiced, and still took the time to read this. I appreciate the fact that you kept an open mind, and I hope that something may have changed. Thirdly, I appreciate the white cis male who came here to change. Who came here because they are trying to figure out how to help people. Who maybe is already helping people who are less privileged, and is trying to figure out how to do a better job. Thank you. And lastly, even if you aren’t a cis straight white male, but you fit into one of those categories like if you’re cis, and/or straight, and/or white, and/or male, this article can still be for you. Not only should you totally say what I did wrong (constructively please, I’m a baby), but if you think these ideas make sense, use em.

K that’s all! Have a blessed rest of your day :).

*when I used the term “the lesbians” in this article, it was purely for that joke. If some girl/woman came up to me and was like I’m lesbian, I wouldn’t be like, oh you’re one of the lesbians. just wanted to make it clear.