How did I become a Good Listener

We have seen and read lots of books about how to become a great speaker and how to talk influentially, but there are not enough books about listening.

Photo by Jason Rosewell on Unsplash

Listening is NOT the act of hearing the words spoken, it’s the art of understanding the meaning behind those words.

Simon Sinek

Listening is a life skill that we need everywhere: in our relationships, in a political conversation or at work.

One of the greatest abilities of the best leaders in the world is that they are good listeners. So, if you want to be a successful project manager or a team player at your company, you need to know how to listen.

I used to think that listening means staring at your co-worker and nodding occasionally to show them that you are listening but as soon as they finish talking, I had no idea what they were talking about and/or
what the emotions behind that conversation were.

Luckily, I spotted my weakness and did some research about active listening. It turns out that there are some techniques that you can work on to become a better listener. So, I simply started following them.

Here are some of the techniques that helped me. I hope they help you as well.

Be present

Listening is not about nodding and looking into the eyes of your teammate, but it’s about trying to understand their point of view. So do not nod if you don’t understand their point. Instead, ask for clarification. You may use sentences like:

• Please tell me more about the issue you have faced …
• Honestly, I didn't get the meaning of … what do you mean by that?
• So what’s that make you feel?

Make sure that you encourage them to be open and to talk out:

• So let’s talk about …
• It’s ok to talk about …
• You did a great job to talk about it with me …
• I’m always available if you want to talk about …

Turn on the video camera

We all know that these days working from home has become a normal part of our lives. When you work remotely and you can’t see your colleagues in person, listening to them becomes harder, so we need to master our communication skills to work better. We can say remote/virtual communication via our computers and phones has become an art: The Art of remote communication. Communication is not only about sending the correct message at the right time but also it is about listening.

Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on Unsplash

When you want to talk about something sensitive over a Zoom call, please make sure that all of you are turning the video cameras on.

Without the camera on, a Zoom call is only a bunch of boxes on the screen, and you can’t see the expression of the faces.

So, turn on your camera and ask nicely if your colleagues can turn on their cameras as well. In this way, all of you can see the facial expressions of each other. Then remember to show your interest in what your
colleague wants to share with their body language. You can’t do that with the camera off.

Remove All Distractions

Be focused and determined to understand what they want to say. You can easily lose your focus when you get distracted. When you receive a notification from Slack or a message on your phone and you check them while you are in the meeting, it shows that you are not focused on the subject, and you don’t care enough.

Keep the conversation alive

Always use magical words to keep the conversation interesting and alive.

• Go on …
• Tell me more … 
• I hear you …
• What else?

These simple words are showing others that you are there to listen to them and that you care.

Don’t be Judgmental

Don’t be judgmental, give others time to explain their thoughts, actions, etc.
Sometimes your thoughts are shouting in your ears so loud that you can’t hear the words they say, please turn off that unpleasant judgment and listen to their expressed points, intentions, and suggestions. You can replace this unhealthy judgment with a useful curiosity.

Know when is your turn to talk

Make sure that the other part did finish what he/she wanted to say, and then you start to give your opinion. First, you need to let them empty the bucket, then you talk and say your point of view.

Conclusion

Listening is a life skill. It is the foundation of building trust with someone, this person could be your life partner, a co-worker, your boss, or a business partner. By listening to them you build the foundation of trust.
These simple tips did help me to become a better listener and I hope these tips help you to be a better listener. Remember that a successful listening technique is when the other person feels heard.