I am a fish

I haven’t been writing for quite a time. Pondering about my future, is it worth it? I am questioning whether is it going to be great, just the way I desire it to be or is it going to flunk, becoming ashes from my colossal aspiration.

I am not sure if I should fret over the fact that I will be starting a new life, a journey which will lead me to being a whole new person. To be frank, I regret the things I did. The things I did to people. Even more, the things I did to myself. I never gave myself a chance.

“Please, stop punishing yourself.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, alright?”

Common words from the people that actually care. One day, it will be tiring for them to say these words and they will stop. It is frightening how there are so many people wanting to help you but only few remain to help. Mostly, they just left thinking it is futile, none of the efforts are giving them prompt positive results.

I am a fish. The thought that just came up, randomly. Do you ever wonder why fishes do not taste salty even though they spent their lives in the salty Herculean ocean?

I would relate this with keeping resolution to yourself. Yes, it is very nice to tell yourself, you should be committed to your ambition. Once it strikes upon you as a continual condemnation to yourself, please and please, try to stop yourself. Achieve your target without condemning yourself. I am saying this, over and over to myself just so I would actually keep myself away from being critical to myself which is a strenuous thing to do. Seeing other people that do? It hurts.

To Aloys, Theo, Mathieu, Natasha, and every other people that are working very hard to achieve their goals, you are the ones that are continuously motivating and inspiring me to be myself. Do not ever give yourself a chance to give it a thought that your work is nothing.

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