and then I came back…

I was going through all kinds of experiences, good, bad, ugly and some unexpected moments of bliss. A mix of everything. It almost felt like a roller coaster ride called life. I never expected this. I never wanted this. Did I asked for it?
Huh! I don’t know.
I just wish if I could go back in time and change things so to make this better and to make it feel more in control.
I asked the Buddha, the great master of life,
How do I feel stable, in control of myself? I feel like falling from a mountain with no support, nothing to harness, nothing to grab. I fear, I scream and still I am trying to make everything better.
He smiled and replied,
We accept the graceful falling
Of mountain cherry blossoms,
But it is much harder for us
To fall away from our own
Attachment to the world.
(-Zen)
Yes, I know what you are saying. Even if I accept this. What about my dreams, things that I have decided to do, experiences that I thought of having? If I leave them behind, I won’t be myself again? I don’t want to tread on a path of idealism and feel lost after a time.
Buddha smiled at me and said,
My child, Of what avail is it if we can travel to the moon,
If we can not cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves,
This is the most important of all journeys
And without it all of the rest are useless.
(-Thomas Merton)
Yes, yes, I got it. But this journey is meant to have experiences with things, people and my worldly dreams.I consider them important. I can’t leave without being my version of me. I am a mix of everything. Please tell me how to deal with this.
Simplicity, Patience, and Compassion
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in action and in thought,
You return to the source of being.
Patience with both friends and enemies,
You accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
You reconcile all beings in the world.
(Tao Te Ching)
My mind stopped wandering in the pits of anxiety and I felt the calm I needed after such a long time. I was about to cry out of sorrows I have seen and joy of being at the same time. I felt grateful towards everything this life has given me. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and heard these words,
Always connected
In my heart
No need to grasp
Smile with warm Heart.
(-Mark Zocchi)
