Theory of Attraction

Across a street, you see a pretty woman walks by. With her straight, luscious black hair flowing freely, and her big, brown eyes that seem to twinkle like a star, your brain is bombarded by a countless adjectives. Attractive, Hot, Sexy, Swag, Gorgeous and many more superlatives.

Without noticing, you have been staring at her for far too long, obviously still mesmerized by her rosy cheeks and slender figure. She noticed your glance and looked at your way. For a moment, you felt a sense of elation, that she actually noticed you, then sense of embarrassment, for you have been caught peering at her.

She flashes an understanding smile, as if this is very natural, she is used to guys admiring her from a distance, all the time. The smile lasted only for a split second, before she continued walking down the road with a swag that belies your expectation. Then, a red, swanky Ferrari stops by and picks her up. Together, they zoomed past you, and quickly disappeared beyond the horizon.

It feels like a surreal dream … except that it isn’t. This is reality, and she, is out of your league.

Since ancient time, we, men have been hardwired to admire and adore attractive people. Be it muscular man that gives you a sense of security, or slender woman that embodies all the feminine qualities. We celebrate them, crown them as celebrities and go wild over them.

That is all good, but then the next question that arise is, if you go beyond the step of admiration, and fell in love with her, how do you get her to reciprocate your love. In other words, how do you chase after the love of your life? I have a theory for this. It’s called the theory of attraction. It is based on a simple premise: People are attracted to other people of the same or greater than level of attractiveness.

In other words, you might drool and swoon all you want over the love of your life, but if you yourself are not as attractive as she is, then don’t even hope to get her to look your way. Now, at this point, I foresee there are some of you that have objections already. I can already hear people whispering “Not all women/men are like that. We don’t judge people solely based on appearance”.

I will concede that this is true. However, there is a caveat to the second part of the statement. We do not judge people solely based on appearance, BUT we DO naturally judge people by their first impression, which often includes, their appearance, as it is the easiest to judge. Then, he/she started speaking, and we begin forming more opinions about them. Undoubtedly, appearance plays a very important role in our preliminary formation of judgment and opinion about somebody. How a guy dresses up, styles his hair, and builds his body can tell you a lot about him. How he carries himself by the way he walk or talk can lead you to think whether a man is charismatic, or just plain sloppy. Obviously, similar judgment applies to women.

Some may say that, if that is the case, then life is unfair indeed, as some people won the genetic lottery. Indeed, some people can just stand still and do nothing, but still appear very stunning and magnetic. I am sure we have all heard of or have such friends. Guys who were born with distinct cheekbone, angular jaw and magnetic smile. Girls who maintain a slender figure effortlessly, never accumulating fat and always have a clear, porcelain skin, no matter what they eat or do.

Yes, these people do exist, and they are indeed lucky and privileged to being born with such features. However, when talking about attractiveness, appearance is only one part of the equation. As briefly mentioned above, other factors of attractiveness includes but not limited to, intelligence, charisma, wealth, power and glamour.

Let’s talk about intelligence first. Intelligence is primarily conveyed when we start conversing with people. Through the process of asking questions, we get to find out about her favorite book. Does she read books? If yes, what kind of books does she read? Can she engage in an deep, reflective conversation about issues of the world? About life, psychology and philosophy maybe?

Charisma, is a very mysterious quality to be measured. Indeed, ever so often, we might come across a girl who just seems to exude charisma. She is not extraordinarily pretty or sexy, but she is confident, her posture is straight, and she is very eloquent and responds to questions with a carefully measured response.

The last 3 attributes that I proposed are much or less intertwined. If you have not much luck in the appearance department, this is how we can cover up that weakness with a boost in your wealth. In the society that we live in now, most people are drawn to money. On the other hand, power can be reflected by how much care you put in building or shaping your body. For man, it means, a washboard abs, 20 inch biceps, herculean chest, and a generally very fit body. For woman, perhaps it might be a slender figure, a flat belly and etc. As for glamour, some people are just drawn towards attention. If you are a celebrity that is popular, chances are, people are more likely to like you, as they might have some cognitive dissonance from the rumors or news about you. (Something like, he is not that handsome, but he’s a world famous celebrity. So, I guess there might be something more to him? He must be particularly talented or good in some areas)

All in all, this theory of attraction can be summarized to one thing. If you want to chase a very attractive woman, make sure that you yourself are of an equal or greater level of attractiveness than her. Otherwise, it will be an uphill battle.

I mean to say, in this world everyone is constantly competing with one another for their object of desire. And, we can only turn the tides to us, if we have at least an unique value proposition for ourselves. As Oliver Emberton(one of my favorite writer by the way) puts it, and I quote

Now what are the odds that among all that, you’re automatically their first pick for love-of-their-life? Because — what — you exist? Because you feel something for them? That might matter to you, but their decision is not about you.

Therefore, dear my fellow brothers and sister, let us all strive towards continuous improvement, be in the area of appearance, intelligence, wealth, power, charisma and many other aspects of life, to be the best version of ourselves, in order to win the heart of our loved ones. Life is a perpetual competition. And if the object of your desire is very attractive to many, you can be damn sure somebody else is working hard to polish their crafts while you are slacking. Do not remain complacent. Move forward, work hard, and seize the day. May the best man win.

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