Let’s rethink social

💡 tldr; The biggest human crisis of our generation. Only way to solve it at scale is to use tech and reduce barriers to meaningful real-life interactions for a healthier and happier world. It’s a trillion dollar TAM with no tech incumbents at scale. A blank space ripe for innovation.

[Why] Personal motivation

Picture this:

1000 people walking around in a large football field, each with a poster of their best photograph around their neck. Their mouths are taped. They can’t talk. They can’t tell their story.

Now imagine you are one of these people. What do you feel?

Judged. Unsure. Jealous. Cynical. Lonely.

Lonely.

This is what I imagined when I read the Feb 2023 CDC report on the state of youth risk behaviors. Shockingly, 1 in 2 teen girls constantly felt sad or hopeless. 1 in 3 has seriously considered a suicide. 1 in 4 has made a suicide plan. Pause and read the last sentence again. 1 in 4!

This is not the world I grew up in. This is not the world I want my baby girl to grow up in. A world where our kids feel lonely and question the purpose of it all. Chills ran down my spine.

This needs to change. I need to change this.

[What] The Problem

💡 Growing up I spent hours playing with my neighborhood kids. Our door was always open for spontaneous meetups. We got together in minutes when Aunt Joshi’s dog, Roxi, went missing. Not anymore. I barely know who lives around me. I spend hours zombie scrolling on digital media but I am too busy to meet friends and family who live nearby. Its too hard.

The problem of loneliness and human disconnection is not restricted to teenage girls. 1 in 2 adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. Last month US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released a new General Advisory calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection. I will go a step further to say this is not just a public health crisis, it is one of the biggest societal and human crises of our generation. Here is the data:

How bad is it?

• 1 in 2 American adults feel seriously lonely
• Young adults are twice as likely to be lonely than seniors. This fact surprised me. I always associated loneliness with the elderly population. 79% of adults aged 18 to 24 felt lonely compared to 41% of seniors aged 66 and older.
• In-person connections have dramatically gone down in the last 2 decades. This decline is starkest for young people ages 15 to 24. For this age group, social time spent in-person with friends has reduced by nearly 70% over two decades, from roughly 2.5 hours per day in 2003 to 40 minutes per day in 2020 (and these are pre-COVID numbers!)
• Men and women have roughly the same likelihood of loneliness.
• The situation is no different globally. 1 in 2 adults in UK felt lonely. British parliament set up a Commission on Loneliness in 2017 to focus on this problem. In Japan, you can get paid to sit with someone for lunch.
• Loneliness impacts vulnerable groups more: Young adults, older adults, new moms, people with chronic diseases, disabilities, immigrants, LGBTQ …

It’s an EVERYONE problem AND it is an ever INCREASING problem unless we do something about it.

💡 What really is loneliness?

TLDR; It is lack of social belonging and support. It’s not the same as solitude, which in fact can be beneficial in the right context. My summary — it has 2 parts:

1. Social integration [meaningful, regular and omnipresent interactions] Consider the people you interact with daily. These interactions, brief or long, are generally low-stakes and frequent. A neighbor you chat with while watering your lawn every week, a co-worker you have lunch with and talk about life, a grocery store owner who asks about your kids or a group of friends who meet for tennis or board games. These people ask “How are you?” and really want to know. They care about your day-to-day life and want to see you happy. These relationships are built on acceptance, kindness, and commonalities.

2. Close relationships [deep and unconditional] A handful people in your life who you wouldn’t hesitate to call in the middle of the night for help. It may be your parents, children, siblings, close friends and relatives. People who are your safety net — psychological, financial and physical. They are built on the foundation of love.

Ok its a big problem, but why does it matter?

Loneliness is a top health risk factor for chronic diseases. It’s equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. This fact stunned me. I have worked in the health sector for a long time. If somebody would have asked me a few months back what the top health risk factors are — I would have mentioned the obvious choices — obesity, physical inactivity, diabetes, hypertension, family history, genetics etc.

I would be so wrong. Its your family, friends and community that give you a reason to live, take care of you and reduce stress. Now that I see it, it makes total sense.

Social disconnection dramatically increases risk of health issues — dementia by 50%, stroke by 32%, coronary heart disease by 29%, depression by 42%, suicide and premature death. Social loneliness impacts all 3 principal pathways for health: physical, mental and behavioral.

Human connections are the recipe for longer happier life: Starting in the 1930s, researchers from Harvard tracked men from different neighborhoods in the Boston area over several decades, asking them to provide regular updates on their lives, including their current health, income, employment, and marital status. This 85-year Harvard study shows that a long, healthy and happy life isn’t necessarily obvious. “Contrary to what many people think, it’s not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet,” write the authors — though those things matter, too. Instead, “one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: Good relationships.”

Political polarization, conflicts and instability. Rising political polarization, lack of trust and social divides is no news to anyone. There is enough and more covered in our newspapers everyday. Human connections is one of the key ingredients to create a resilient, peaceful and safe world.

But its reversible (quickly). Greater social support reduced risk of high blood pressure by 36% in a study. Going to a 5 day in-person summer camp had a meaningful positive change on kids feeling of belongingness.

Saying hi, and genuinely caring, has the power to save lives.

My personal mission has always been to make the world healthier and happier. I spent over a decade of my career in healthcare only to realize now that happiness is the best prevention of all.

Some causes.

Globalization
For a large portion of human history, majority of the people were home-bound. Only a few explorers forayed into new worlds to discover knowledge, trade resources and bring wealth. Today, social and spatial mobility is commonplace thanks to economical forces (open trade, globalization) and technological forces (airplanes, internet). You find yourself surrounded by people you didn’t grow up with.

Rise of nuclear families. Smaller family units. Traditionally, family was the default safety net — a core social unit for people to fall back on. But now you live away from your family. Marry late. Have fewer kids. Work more. Spend less time with loved ones. Personal values are evolving with the rapid pace of innovation. Digital screens are creating new barriers between generations. Parents living in the same home can’t relate to their children.

Decline of religions, cultures and traditional values. There has been a move away from religion with the rise of the internet. In 2020, 47% of Americans said they belonged to a church, synagogue or mosque, down from 50% in 2018 and 70% in 1999. Religious communities have their own challenges, but they have served as an important means of social bonding. For those involved, religious community is a source of regular social contact — giving meaning and purpose, promoting a sense of belonging through shared values and beliefs, and reducing the likelihood of engaging in risky behavior. In absence of alternative options, we feel lost.

And of course, most of all, the problem of social media. Americans spend an average of six hours per day on digital media! One-in-three U.S. adults is online “almost constantly,” and the percentage of teens has doubled since 2015.

We are more connected than ever, yet we feel more isolated and alone. And no wonder we are. Social media is:

• Built for broadcasting, not conversations. That’s why it’s called social “media.” They optimize on quantity over quality. It is an endless race towards grabbing your attention for more ad revenue.
• Impersonal. It reduces us to 2D reflections — a photo, a text message, a tweet, a comment — 300 characters to summarize your story, your life, your perspective. No tone, no expression, no body language. It’s subject to misinterpretation.
• High stakes. When you put yourself out there, it feels daunting. A post will define your social status that will remain imprinted in the history of internet. We feel exposed.
• Divisive. Creates social echo-chambers. Breeds insecurity. Depression. Hate. Pretense. Judgment. Jealousy. Cynicism. It’s easier to dehumanize someone by focusing on the 1% where they differ from you. You can comment on someone you don’t know without any real repercussions. It’s easy to be nasty. Interactions are transient and “virtual”. They are distant, from a different world. Unlike the real world, virtual platforms hide the 99% that makes us similar. Try meeting someone you so passionately hate on social media — you may actually find a friend!

[Side note: You also see power of human goodness on these platforms especially for mobilizing resources and attention quickly — whether finding help for a loved one, organizing responses in case of an emergency or disaster, finding a large support group experiencing common issues. However, these platforms are not designed for deep or meaningful 1:1 personal interactions]

• Fueling short attention spans and shallow connections. We don’t have time for a 5 min call to our mom but spend 3 hours scrolling on tiktok. Relationships have a compounding effect. Just like wine — they get better with time if nurtured.
• An escape. Keeps us trapped in the digital world. Makes us feel guilty, not fulfilled. We hate ourselves for doing it but can’t stop doing it (= addiction). Its incentivized to keep us away from the real physical world by increasing our screen time (and ad revenue).
• Misaligned financial incentives. What’s good for business is not good for end users, and vice versa. We are the product, not the consumers. Our attention is sold to serve more ads for stuff we don’t need. Makes us feel inadequate.
• Harmful to our health and well being. Those who spent more than three hours a day using social media are at a heightened risk for mental health problems.
• Not accountable. Companies dissolve their societal responsibilities by saying that they are just a tool for communication, a “neutral” medium. But medium defines the message. Instagram’s focus on beautiful images fuels unrealistic beauty standards, Facebook reduces your social capital to number of ‘friends’ ‘likes’ or ‘followers’ you have, Twitter’s 300 character limit forces to create click baits.

These companies are not evil — they are great at their “job to be done” but their “job to be done” is not building meaningful deep human connections. Even though they may create an illusion of social connectedness. Somehow we have ended up with an online social world that is the opposite of real life interactions that we are wired for.

Real human connections are:

• Personal. In smaller groups.
• Low stakes. Spontaneous. Fun. You don’t think too much about how you look. You can’t replay it. It’s easier to be authentic, silly or vulnerable.
• Long-term. We meet the same person over weeks, months and years.
• Makes us live longer and happier.
• Brings out the best in us. Nourishes our soul.

My vision

I want to attempt to solve this problem for our generation and the next.

I want to build a social company that is built for humans to thrive; that helps nurture genuine interactions for a happier and healthier life.

A company that is not selling your attention but providing you a service.

A company that doesn’t shy away from the physical world, but embraces it.

A company that doesn’t make you feel guilty and sad on how you are spending your time, but instead makes you feel happy, fulfilled, supported, connected, inspired, confident and blessed. I want it to be the best hour of your day!

Real connections are as essential as water for a healthy fulfilling life. They are not addictive, they are nourishing. I want to make it easier for you to access this basic necessity.

A company that uses cutting-edge knowledge and technology, and is built for decades to come.

A company that does all of the above while building a multi-billion dollar business.

I know I am taking on a big problem. I am not taking it lightly. But I am taking it head on.

I am doing this for my daughter and many others to have a safer, healthier and happier world. A world worth living for!

Lets talk money.

The business case.

• Total spend on recreation, sports and leisure is $550B in US alone. Trillions of dollars globally. Bounced back and stronger post-COVID
• TAM for Airbnb Experiences is a whopping $1.4 trillion. Airbnb experiences today are focused on tourists and cover only a subset of the use cases I am considering.
• Cost of loneliness (US only) $400B+, including $100B+ workplace productivity loss alone.
• Euromonitor estimated that “consumer expenses on experiences should increase from $5.8 trillion in 2016 to $8 trillion in 2030.”

What we spend money on: Stuff, Knowledge, Media & Entertainment, Health, Experiences. All of the above areas have been disrupted by large tech players — except Health and Experiences.

Stuff = Amazon
Knowledge = Google
Media = Youtube, Tiktok, Netflix, Insta …
Health = its complicated
Experiences = ???

Of course there are players that have optimized for travel experiences (airbnb, booking.com, tripadvisor) but what about ‘bread and butter’ recreational activities that give us our daily dose of joy and connection? In a world where it just takes 2 clicks to get a new pair of shoes delivered from a factory in China to your doorstep, how is it still so difficult to have meaningful experiences with people around you!

[What next] Making it happen and your help :)

I have decided to leave Google next month to start up on this problem full time.

How can you help?

• Know someone who can be my co-founder (tech or non-tech)? advisor? expert? mentor? investor? early employee? Connect me.
• Want to brainstorm together? Lets grab some time.
• Saw an article or a book on the topic that can improve my understanding? Share with me.
• Volunteer or freelance with me? Let’s talk.
• Interested to be updated on my progress? Message me your email id and I’ll add you to my mailing list.