I wanna talk about family for a second. Chances are, a majority of you have a father figure in your life. Some of you may not, and a few of you may understand me when I say what I’m about to say. My father isn’t dead or anything, he’s just never really been around. Although I see him from time to time it never really feels like he’s actually been there. Even as a kid, it’s like something was always keeping him,

d i s t a n t.

I never really knew what it was for most of my life. It took me 14 years to finally realize that his unhealthy addiction to alcohol was what brought him away from me. That’s always what it was. There were many times I wished my dad wasn’t an alcoholic, but as much as I hate to admit, that’s who he was. He’s gotten better, a lot better. But even though he says he doesn’t drink anymore, I’ve always had a feeling he’s been lying. My dad was never good at commitment, that was clear, and when it came to alcohol, that was his most unhealthy relationship.

I just want to say that it’s helped me learn a lot from his mistakes as a father. I don’t want anyone in similar situations to be mad at their parent if they act the way my father did. If they were never around, for whatever reason. You just have to learn from it, you have to grow. You have to take the good out of the bad and use it to your advantage, in any circumstance.

Out of my frustrations though, I wrote a poem I thought I would share. It may be a little personal, and it really may not be all that great, but it’s something I enjoyed writing. It’s really just how I felt being around my dad as a child. Writing it helped me feel better.

•••

I loved my father

I really loved my father

But he was a drunk

Never could keep his head straight

He forgot my birthday

Sometimes even his name

When I would visit him

He always taught me to have better morals

To be better than him

He’d tell me, “don’t do as I act, do as I say”

It was so cliché

And the same night he’d leave me alone

In a house full of strange men

With their hands on a bottle of alcohol

And their minds elsewhere

I was never by myself

But I was always alone

My father had never been there even though I’d see him every week

He wasn’t a man of responsibility

He wasn’t even a man

He was a child

Who never grew up

He spent more time raising the rim of a bottle of vodka to his lips than raising his child

Cheers to the man who loved a bottle of beer more than spending time with his only daughter

Cheers to the man who almost let me drown while swimming as a toddler because he was too busy drowning his sorrows with alcohol

Cheers to my dad

•••

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