Matters of the Heart

The fear of being alone. Out of this world. The fear of being irrelevant. Different. Weird. Need I go on?

This is the kind of fear that many people carry, everyday. More than you realise. The kind of fear that makes you feel weak; not in the knees, but in the heart. The kind of fear that overpowers all your senses, and takes over your mind. Makes you feel dizzy. Makes your chest pound so hard, you may think it’ll explode.

Having such a dark, powerful force inside changes you. It changes your behaviour. Makes you do stupid things. Makes you crack jokes all the time, not to entertain everyone, but to keep the dark void in the chest from completely swallowing you. You try to laugh all the time. Keep yourself distracted. Not because the joke that your colleague cracked is funny, because if you don’t, you’ll end up crying. Other people will think that you are just another immature geek trying to blend in,when in reality, you are running hard for your sanity, deep inside.

Those who don’t suffer from this, “illness”, I should say, don’t understand what goes on inside such a person’s mind. They can’t comprehend it, even if they try to, or claim to. Because they have never experienced such a “feeling”; being so close to the void. To them, such feelings are just words on a paper. No one can explain it to them, because they can’t understand it.

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