A Valentine’s Day Inspired Memoir on Love
Fun Fact: Valentine’s Day is approaching. I admit that for some, including myself, Valentine’s Day is a day much like any other. In the past, Valentine’s Day has typically served as a reminder that I am not involved in a romantic relationship, while many people I am connected with via social media are. I can appreciate that the day encourages those involved in a romantic relationship to express their love for their significant other. However, as someone who feels an opposition to the extreme consumerism in this society we live in I am sometimes discouraged by the thought of the exploitation of romantic love for commercialism. Therefore, I can understand why the day has a tendency to leave some not quite “feeling the love.”
After some recent efforts in understanding the value of this beautiful life we are given, I am attempting to see this formerly insignificant day in a new light. While I will be “single” this Valentine’s Day similar to the many before it, the day will serve its intended purpose this year for me. This Valentine’s Day will be a reminder to celebrate and reflect on the beautiful meaning of life that is LOVE.
As a member of a society so consumed by the fast paced way of life, I sometimes forget the things I consider to be more important. Instead of allowing happiness and love to flow in my thoughts, I have a tendency to focus on school, work, or the items I have yet to cross off on the list of things I need to do. It should be noted that I am very appreciative of the opportunity and resources that accompany being born into this faster lifestyle. It fills me with so much gratitude to consider the world of possibility that surrounds me and where I hope to one day find a great purpose and career.
However, having stated these things, it is important that we as members of such a society do not allow something so important as love to be lost in the routine. Love in everything you do. Love yourself. I promise you are beautiful because you are a person of this amazing world and thing that is life. Beauty does not occur on the basis of superficial circumstance but instead on the basis of the love that is already inside of you.
Sometimes external forces can temporarily dull that sense of positivity inside of us because, for whatever reason, we lose the ability to see things the way they are. A contemporary example may be an individual’s feelings of inadequacy due to an inability to conform to what society or people in their own environment expect of them, while in actuality they are made unable to see the beauty that already exists inside of them because of these haunting expectations (You REALLY are enough). For others, this love and positivity may be clouded by the events of their past or certain biological conditions. In order to try and awaken this love we must attempt to stay in touch with our deeper sense of self. There are countless clichés regarding the quality of our life and the irrelevance of things that happen to us to our quality of life, and there is a lot of truth to these clichés. Instead of allowing the things you cannot control to control you, choose to control yourself. Do what works for YOU and live by love. I am not referring to the type of love generated by hormones but instead the type of love that is infinite and unconditional.
In an effort to maintain a sense of realism, it is important to acknowledge that indeed we live in a world where no one is perfect and there is pain that arises throughout our existence. I often hear the phrase “there are bad people everywhere” to justify awful occurrences. I disagree with this phrase because I believe we are all different and equal parts of an innately good nature. I have found that much of the things, people, and events that may be considered to be negative are either what we do not understand or an indirect, and sometimes direct, result of a humanity susceptible to negative forces brought about by our imperfection. I would instead propose the argument “there are bad things” that sometimes affect or capture people in their vulnerability. For whatever reason or disposition, some are better able to recover from the bad things than others.
When we encounter what we consider to be negative in our lives, we must try and remember our sense of self as a human being. We must be compassionate towards ourselves in understanding our vulnerability as humans in different circumstances and allow the past to serve as nothing but a means for learning and positive growth. Dwelling on the unpleasant or even excessive dwelling on what we perceive as pleasant is no catalyst for positivity or productivity (“Everything in moderation, including moderation” — Oscar Wilde). Genuine, authentic love for others and ourselves allows us to make the important distinction between dwelling and learning for growth.
This authentic love should allow us to be compassionate towards others even when we may not agree with an individual or relate to them. Through love arises a peace and acceptance of what we do not understand due to a state of awareness. This awareness should consist of clarity in that the only human we are ever able to fully know and understand every piece of is ourselves. I have to constantly remind myself that when I am left alone with my thoughts at night, I am the only person that must “deal with” these thoughts. Therefore, we should live our lives in a state of self-love so when left alone with our thoughts we can be at peace.
It is also imperative that we live a life and do the things that we believe to be good for ourselves. When we are able to achieve this self-love, we are better able to love others as well through the understanding and compassion awoken within us. The great Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Luckily however, we live in a world where we have an abundance of information available to us to increase what we know, but I digress.
When we do fully come to terms with this concept of doing the best that we can, we are able to be compassionate towards ourselves in knowing that throughout life we “do the best we can” and certain circumstances may have brought us to do things we may not internally align with. This is where the past has value in teaching us how we may be able to prevent the formation of negative habits through altering any circumstances we do have control over to find the things that work most positively for ourselves.
Once we develop this self-love and understanding is when we are able to more fully love our fellow humans. Sometimes we are not able to understand or completely relate to others as a result of the different elements of life and the nature of a humanity that consists of such unique individuals. We cannot change the way people are and we will never understand everything a person does because we do not live in their minds, we live in our own minds. Therefore, we should accept others and love them for the person they are. This acceptance and real love does not require total agreement between two people in every area of life but instead an agreement on choosing to love. In reference to Theodore Roosevelt, we must know that generally people do what they can, where they are, with what they have. There is a beauty in the diversity of life and in the fact that while people can be so similar they can also be so different. We must embrace this beauty and allow it to fuel us to choose complete love, in everything that we do.
Afterword: I am confident in the things I believe in and I do not necessarily feel a need to explain myself. However, as I wish to possess the highest sense of awareness of human nature as possible, I will entertain an explanation. I write these things because I wholeheartedly believe them and I did not always feel this way. In attempting to live by love for others and myself I have found a peace and happiness that was not always so strong as it presently exists. Through a reflection on the commercialism of Valentine’s Day as it approaches, I am reminded to focus on the true, central meaning that is love.
I am also concerned by the possible perception of an absolutist tone in my attempt at a awareness of human nature, so I should add that I write these words based on my own life and experience (“All I know is that I know nothing” — Socrates). I do not believe much in absolute truths, but if I were to choose one absolute truth as a foundation for my own existence, I would choose love.