Defining the Relationship Before Things Get Confusing

Dating is a confusing whirlwind of ups and downs. You never quite know when the right time is to come in with THE conversation that defines what you are. Until that point it’s all up in the air. In most cases, you don’t want to be the one that brings it up because you don’t want to be seen as the clingy “I need a title” person but you also don’t want to be wasting your time on another non-committal person either.

Defining the relationship over all is scary and you never really know what the other person is going to say but there are definite factors to consider when you decide to go through that process.

1. Know what you want.

If you initiate the conversation know what you want before hand. Don’t depend on the other persons answer to make up your mind. If you want a relationship and they don’t then there is a clear answer of the steps that should come next. Going in with a cloudy idea isn’t the same as knowing what you want.

2. Be respectful to what they want.

Just because you want to have a title doesn’t mean that the other person is also down for it. Communication is key and if you assume what they want you could lead yourself down an imaginary path.

3. Be honest and realistic with yourself.

When contemplating what you want you need to be honest with yourself and with that honesty you need to think about the reality of the situation. If there are things about the person that you don’t like don’t expect them to change just because you might be in a defined relationship with them. Either accept them as they are or spend more time thinking about whether or not that person actually fits into your life.

4. Timing. Timing. Timing.

Timing is one of the most important factors to addressing the conversation because you don’t want to jump to it super early and you don’t want to wait until it’s too late. There is a window that is the perfect time to sit down and have the conversation. Not to sound super cliche, but you can feel it. It’s before the “I need to see them everyday” feeling but after the first few awkward encounters of getting to know each other.

Not only timing when you define the relationship but timing where you do it. You don’t want to do this in a public space where if feelings are hurt there are people there to witness it. This isn’t a drama for the world to see.

All in all defining the relationship can get messy and confusing regardless if you plan it to a T or you wing it, and if you don’t know what you want things will stay up in the air. Deciding what you want should be completely up to you, advising friends and family about the situation can help but ultimately YOU should figure out what is best for you in the moment and long term. If you’re constantly questioning their intentions maybe step back from the situation and figure out if this person fits into whatever you’re trying to do. Don’t get too caught up if things don’t work out how you imagined they would be. There are plenty of people out there going through the same situation. Pick your head up and do you.