I’ve Decided to Try and Enact an Evil Scheme on Medium, and You Can Too!

Would You Believe This Is Supposed To Be ‘Handsome Man Scheming’? I Was Drawn To It For Other Reasons…

…I’m just gonna experiment with clickbait and such. *For fun*, and to see if it’s possible to accrue solidly regular and numerically significant support on this site without a membership (pretty sure it’s not). To those few regular readers I have: gods bless ya, and, sorry for the forthcoming massive degradation in quality, but, hey, who are we kiddin’? There was not much quality here, already.

It is galling to see from a third-person perspective, though — one Mr. Kelly Ronayne on this site has some of the best satirical short stories I’ve ever read (among many others: https://medium.com/illumination/toasting-fallen-brothers-c2ed286c85f9), but nowhere near the recognition in readership that he deserves (never mind money, fame, and hookers and blow and meth and dope and bologna sandwiches an’ such).

If my sinister plot goes anywhere, which it won’t, then I’ll try and direct folks, wut’ve followed, on to better writers here whom *also* have embarrassingly-low follower and engagement numbers (but are good, such as one Royal Alvis (obviously his real name — you can’t make that shit up)).

You can tell they are good because they use their real names and their profile pictures are generally *not* of a young Oliver North. It’s sad for a site like this, and therefore humanity, that relevant and witty satire should go unappreciated by those that, frankly, seem to need it most. Meh.

Fuck em, generally, I guess. To be specific.

Here are some simple steps I’m probably *not* gonna abide by, based on trends I’ve kinda noticed:

1. Upload regularly.
2. Always notify of uploads, even if this is obviously annoying and unnecessary in *most* cases (another under-appreciated yet talented writer on this site, Malic Young, uploads serial episodes of stories, and *that’s* the sort of thing a notification is good for — most all the rest of youse, get over your damn selves, *unsubscribed*).
3. Use lists as frequently as possible.
4. Clickbait titles: *always*.
5. Re-upload on a cycle (I’ve definitely seen people do that, seriously — and I hate them, plus the world, so this seems like a practice to emulate, no SEGA, if one is a contrarian truly).
6. Follow *then immediately Un-Follow* tons of people (bastards!).
7. Keep it brief.
8. Swear and edge and cringe and sweat.
9. KYSe (kill your self-esteem).
10. Profit.