How Habits impact our life— Understanding the Habit Loop

It was 02:30 a.m. Shivani was still awakened and scribbling in her diary and was pouring her heart on a piece of paper. With no sign of sleep in her eyes, she was busy turning a plain paper into black & white. She was feeling dejected and alone. Something wrong happening with her in the office that day she wanted to share with someone. Realizing no one at her side to listen, she decided to narrate it to her diary. Although it wasn’t the first time she got annoyed by her office and her colleagues. But that day something was different. She wanted to leave her office. She wanted to quit as if the breakout point was already hovering around and was on the brink to erupt.

Hey! Are you still online? a message popped up on her laptop screen. Shivani always keeps her laptop on and remains online until she falls asleep. That day wasn’t different too. Shivani leaped onto her laptop to reply as soon as possible. She got escalated seeing someone online at 02:45 a.m. It was her old friend, Sumit.

Yeah..! Not feeling good, I am upset, as Shivani was typing but deleted it very next moment. She did not want to start a conversation on a negative note, so ended up in,

Hi, yes not feeling sleepy! But what are YOU doing here now?

Well, I am in the office, Nightshift. Had a break so came online, Sumit replied.

Sumit was her school friend. They used to discuss various topics while studying together. He used to call her a chatterbox since she was capable of talking to a wall for lengths. Ten years have passed since they passed out, but they are still in touch.

Shivani thought of sharing her horrible experiences she was getting in the office. She wanted to explore a solution. But at the same time, she did not want to take her mind to that event again that spoiled her mood and deprived her of slumber.

So, hows going the life and your job? Sumit hurled a question she was avoiding.

It is pathetic! If you ask, I just hate going office now. She replied

But it wasn’t that she had hated her office all the time. She always wanted to be a gazetted officer. Because of her sheer hard work and persistence, Shivani immediately got into a job after completing her graduation. She had applied for an entrance test while appearing in the examination for her last semester. There she was! Got a chance to live her dreams. Not everyone gets a chance to do what they always wanted to do and later on, have to adjust themselves to the tunes of life.

“Yes Mom, everyone here is very cooperative and treat me like her daughter” Shivani was telling her mother one day, when she inquired about her office atmosphere after she joined. She used to share her daily experiences, learnings, funny moments of her colleagues with her mother.

She felt amazing while going office and was in love with her work. She used to talk with everyone and maintained cordial relations with everybody. She was in charge of her office. Although all her subordinates were older than her, she never behaved in a manner that might sound bossy. Gradually some fresh recruitees of her age too joined as her subordinates. A happening group was formed where all types of topics were discussed.

Tell me Shivani, what happened. Maybe I can solve the issue. Sumit sent a message

Nothing, people here are imposters. I am living in a building made of glass having people wearing masks. Shivani responded with.

Shivani had never heard of the term which is often used everywhere in the world. By the time, she typed a message to Sumit, someone would be busy in an office, applying his mind to do OFFICE POLITICS.

Most of her colleagues were in service having experience more than her age. Subordinates of her age were few but deep down their heart, they also felt jealous of her rank and status. By the time she realized this, she had already got trapped into Office Politics. They used to behave normally and cordially with her but in her absence, they never shied away from pulling her leg down. Maybe they were doing it out of their habits.

Shivani told the same to her friend. She told him how people first talk with her about others and comments on theirs’ life and then, later on, do the same thing with those very persons by taking her name. Few people, under her, always tried to deviate from the opinions she held and always tried to make a mockery of her on one thing or the other. They also tried turning down any instructions passed on them by her and hence making her embarrassed in front of her superiors.

These cunning people, first come to me, talk with me then, later on, make abnormal comments about my opinion. She told him later on.

Sumit while reading her messages came to understand the root of the cause. In her leisure time, she would talk with someone or the other in the office. She had only two things to do in the office, Work and Gossiping. She always enjoyed talking. She didn’t realize that her never-ending gossipings had become a habit and that habit was controlling her behavior.

If you want to get out of this mess, you need to work on your habits and you need to replace your bad habit with a good one, he suggested. Any habit starts with “just once”. Slowly, “just once” turns into “few times” and later on frequency increases and a new habit emerges. Most of the things that we consider as behavior are nothing but habits.

We try new cuisine and get amazed by its exotic taste. That taste gets stored in the mind. Later on, whenever, we come across the same cuisine again, that taste stored in the mind sends signal and craving emerges. We take that cuisine again. Slowly frequency increases and a routine emerges. Here coming across the cuisine is a cue, having it, is a routine and enjoying its exotics taste is our reward. When the loop of cue, routine, and reward keep on repeating, a habit emerges. He explained how habits are formed.

The same was happening with Shivani. It wasn’t those people who were responsible for the mess that created. It was her habit. In her free time, she indulged herself in the gossiping. Here her cue was free time and gossiping was a routine to get a reward of passing time and pleasure of talking.

She never realized that being in an office is a different ball game altogether than being in the college/ school or among a group of friends. By talking endlessly, she invited all types of backbiting. Later on, when she came to know she had become a topic of amusement amongst her subordinates, she started feeling low and delirious. She became anxious and started feeling that all were against her, always suspected that all were laughing on her even though they had a light conversation on some other thing. She started feeling that everyone was making a plan against her to let her down. Her wisdom, her knowledge was at a stake, she felt. She wanted to prove a point. But that was not easy for her.

He advised her a simple thing. Avoid unnecessary talks with everybody. But that wasn’t the new thing that didn’t come into her mind earlier. She tried not to conversed but could not resist. The insistent pull was so strong that she would hardly manage not to talk for a few hours only.

Any habit can be changed if one understands how it works. He explained.

To change a habit, first, you must decide to change it. You need to find the cue and rewards that pushing you towards the routine and then you need to find an alternative routine to get the same reward for the same cue. He further explained, But for changing any habit, you must have a belief that it can be changed. Break your habit into pieces and identify bottlenecks.

She got the point. She needed to change the habit of unnecessary talk. She divided the whole transaction into three categories, cue, routine and reward. The cue was her free time or boredom. Routine was gossiping and the reward was getting time passed and pleasure of talking.

She needed a new routine. Earlier she was blaming people around her who were influencing her behavior, attitude. But now she knew that it was her habit that needed a look at and it was in her hand to change it, she vowed to change it. She recalled the words of Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. She did not want to be even a percentage point of her colleagues. She decided to read books in her free time. She decided to be in the company of intellectuals through books. She got the impeccable solution. She felt as if she got the ‘Elixer of her life’.

“Thank you so much, Sumit for telling me the impact of a habit” She sent him a message and went to her bed with the belief that everything was changed and sorted out.

Thank you for reading. :)

How habits are impacting your behavior, please share your experiences.