How did it end up here — PCOS Sufferer

I am 35 year old Lesbian married to my incredible wife for 10 years now. Both of us suffer from PCOS. Me always been a fitness fanatic even as a kid. At the age of 21 I will still fitting into size 6 and that was still in 2002. It is 2017 and i am at my lowest point and at my highest weight 150 kgs / 330.693 pounds / 23.621 stone. everything changed for me 12 years ago. I started feeling different. Then I got my period for 3 months and just never stopped. I eventually went to the Dr and I was told I have PCOS (Polycystic ovarian syndrome). I starting developing hair on my face and I started picking up weight at an alarming rate. Not even a year later I was 150kgs. I walk and try to run, I even did alot of diets. I would lose weight and pick up double. I stopped surfing, I stopped hiking, I stopped my swimming.

Every day becomes harder. My wife suffers the most she now 120 kgs and is growing a full on facial hair. She so depressed she cannot move. Fear people seeing her. She too use to be an activate person. Both our BMI are over 49.

I am working full time for a company and doing well. I am starting to struggle getting up and i closed the mirrors in the house. Just to buy my size clothing is expensive, just cant afford it anymore. I starting thinking positive and walked although it hurts. Then I had to fly for work and the seat belt barely closed. Last week my CEO & CFO called me into the boardroom and told me I am great at my job. They wanted to give me a uniform to boost my confidence even more. Then they said that I am fat and they want me to lose weight and I thought to myself what a kick in the nuts. I said I am trying but struggling with PCOS and all they said is stop making excuses. Since that day I just can’t seem to lift myself up. I see how people look at me and my wife. I have medical aid but they won’t pay for us to have the operation for Gastric Bypass. We both determined to do this. I have now taken on 5 online jobs, so after my daytime job I am fixing computers, youtube and doing online surveys to earn extra money. My wife also got a temp job to work towards it but this morning I realized this wont work it will take far to many times.

Tried meds, diets and other things. There are days I think of crashing my car or something so at least my life insurance can pay for it. There are days I want to just disappear. I can see my family don’t care much. We don’t get invited out with them when they go out.

Is it my fault am I being punished. I am a kind person, always helping out but maybe my soul in the wrong time.

Why PCOS why