The 13 Stupidest Pokemon Names of the Original 151 Pokemon

Japes for days around here about how godawful the post-first gen Pokemon names have become — welp, that’s the innernet for ya — but like all nostalgia, this meme rings particularly untrue. Pokemon have always been named with all the Wittgensteinian insight of an old clog, derived from their real-world analogues in such a way that 11 year olds could grasp their original. Hey, you might argue that was even the point. Only what once was charming now is cause for damning — oh aging, you trickster sage— so let’s take off those rose-tinted dealwithit.gif shades for just a minute. It was real hard whittling down this list, but here we go with the 13 stupidest Pokemon names of the original 151 Pokemon. Start the clock, Brock.

Bulbasaur

It’s a dinosaur, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it’s got a plant bulb on its back.

Squirtle

It’s a turtle, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it also squirts stuff.

Beedrill

It’s a bee, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it’s also got drills for arms(?)

Ekans

It’s fucking SNAKE SPELLED BACKWARDS

Venomoth

It’s a moth, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it’s also got venom.

Persian

Literally just a breed of cat.

Psyduck

It’s a duck, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it’s also psychic.

Magikarp

It’s a carp, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it’s also magic.

Ponyta

It’s a pony.

Dewgong

It’s a dugong.

Rattata

It’s a rat.

Voltorb

It’s an orb, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it’s also electrified.

Mr. Mime

It’s a mime, but that’s not all folks, ‘cos it’s also a man. Although like Geodude (a dude but also a rock) it occupies the full spectrum of gender — yet another example of colonial biologists within the Pokemon world misgendering their slave-race.

And one from the second generation for good measure:

Sudowoodo

A fake tree.