Life Conflictions

Lee, S . 2016, Pictures from @Heidelberg, Germany. viewed 25 November, 2016

This blog is going to be dedicated for those who are very split on what they want to do in life. To start off, I am going to get a little personal and tell you a bit about myself. In my other blog entries, I never told you guys who I am, how I got to where I am and why I write most of my blog entries on design, specifically fashion. I know some of you struggle to find passion or are confused with what you want to do in life. Don’t worry, because sadly that’s perfectly normal. I am like you. Just a person with dreams and aspirations with varieties of interest; but at the same time very confused and split in the world I live in. You and I may be different but same in other ways. 
 I grew up with loving parents who supported me with the things I wanted to do. My mother enrolled me in many extracurricular activities ranging from swimming, dancing, painting, singing to writing. One rather odd trait I had throughout all these experiences was that I never stuck to any of them. I always ended up quitting with an excuse of how mean the teacher was or how I was feeling left out from the group of kids at the dance studio. My mom struggled to keep me stringent to any activity I showed slight interest but it always ended up with me crying my eyes out and quitting.

Since then, that part of me always stayed with me. I never found full satisfaction with anything I did. Although I took a breather and improved from quitting every single thing that I did, I was never truly happy. And honestly, I still can’t seem to figure out why I am this way. All I know is that I have many interests and find fulfillment through experiencing all of them. And these past few years, I have stuck by two big interests of mine and went as far as to work toward obtaining a degree in them. The experience has been hard but so far, it has been more rewarding. It was not easy to choose design and managerial economics as my majors. But it came to me more naturally than other areas of study because I grew up relating very closely to them.

Growing through puberty and being very self-conscious about how I should dress, I found that clothing had magical powers that made people think a certain way about me on first encounters. I thought that what I wore left a seemingly significant impression on people and changed the way that they viewed me as a person. Naïve, I believed that fashion had power; the power to influence people and have them think in a certain way (See other ways fashion affects the society by reading, Harmful side to Fashion Design). To this very day, I still think this way to a certain extent. I believe fashion has the power to influence people; it has the power to steer the crowd and create a trend or a movement. Back then, my thought process was a little immature; but hey, I was under heavy peer pressure during my peak stages as a teenager.

Choosing my second major, managerial economics, was less natural from choosing to major in fashion design. Both my parents have first-hand experience in business so I have always been around management. However, I never really liked economics or wanted to do the same thing that my parents were doing as their occupation; but coming to college, I found out that there are so many opportunities you can achieve with managerial economics so I went for it. I was able to obtain internships that taught so much about the real world of business. So far, both majors have kept me interested, stringent and on my feet. To me, they go so well together, despite what others say and for the first time, I feel like I am sticking through with something through my own choices (see how managerial economics and design relate by reading, Side by Side Design and Managerial Economics).

Me and my project, Fleurtech, at the ISWC 2016 in Heidelberg, Germany. Lee, S . 2016, Pictures from @Heidelberg, Germany. viewed 25 November, 2016

As an individual who is reaching another critical peak in her life, I am reflecting back to the experiences in my past and looking forward to what the future will bring me. To be honest, I don’t have a set plan after I leave college and I don’t know what tomorrow will bring me, but I do know that right now, in this moment, I am happy with what I am doing. Well, super stressed and overwhelmed with mountain pile of work but still happy and content at the end of the day. To me, that is what is important: being happy. I wasn’t happy before and was not satisfied with anything I did but now I have realized that you will find happiness if you stick through it until the end. The rewarding feeling you get for being consistent will bring fulfillment which will lead you to something greater. Having multiple interests even now is a hurdle I struggle to overcome but within those struggles, I have learned to be happy with myself; that realization is reaching the milestone in my book.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that, it’s okay to be conflicted and confused on what you want to do in life. Try exploring many different areas of interests and see what keeps you on your toes. It is perfectly normal to be confused, it just means that you have a curious mind like me. Challenge yourself by sticking through one thing and see where it will take you. You might be surprised how rewarding it can be by finishing the race without giving up in the middle. Lastly, believe in yourself. Confidence is key and the most important component that will make or break you in the end.