The Burning Wolf
Steven Buriek
Mindy Gates O’Mary Memorial Scholarship

This is a symbolic story of sexual hedonism and love where I am portrayed as “The Burning Wolf.” In the process of hiding my vices from the real world, the story encompasses the deep emotions between self, friends, and lovers. I transition as my conscious self, to the alter ego of the wolf I believe I had become.
In this mind and body I am cursed to forever be in pain; only to release that pain in the most sacred of moments. I am constantly in the darkest crevasses of my mind; brooding in the images of somber pleasures, obscenities, and plots to sin. They fuel my passionate yearnings that cease to disappear. My creation of these things, knows no end, and has no boundaries. My natural ability to entertain and create comfort in others has never given me peace of mind or the entirety of happiness. The few pleasures this world affords has enslaved me. I am now lost between the decision of loving unconditionally or to be the very thing that this dark passion yearns me to be.
I have lost the one thing in this life I hold dear. For what? For lack of control. For the need of flesh. For addiction to unruly passions in bed. The one girl I dreamed about to give me what I desired did all in her power to appease my ravaging. My relentless wanting of her, which to no avail would cease. In the process I came to the realization that I must indulge my wanting of the flesh to stay sane. Was the love that lay at my feet without the flesh not enough for me, could it ever be?
Thus is the curse that floods my blood streams, the torture felt and released in divine instances. The equivalent of a pill or drug that will only sustain what is needed, only when that pain is present. Each reaction disburses the elixir much too quickly and disappears even faster so. Do I want this? No. I want to be in a continuous flow of happiness and solace. I want to be one with emotion that comes naturally to a young man who knows all too well that the cause and act of inflicting pain is a certainty of life. If only I could be torn to shreds by any enemy, liquidated to nothing, only to be reborn whole and pure. In the end I would rise as if the destruction were as minimal as the nuisance of a wooden splinter. I am the wolf and this is my story.
To be able to coexist with another is the wolfs sole problem. For any person this abomination let in to his life would surely be burnt by the undying flame, a flame enticing to the eye and curious to the mind. Many approach and are attracted to the light of the majestic beast, but when the unfortunate soul gets close enough to see what the flame truly illuminates they disintegrate into ash. His beloved has felt the fiery flames and tasted the ashy residue of his destructions. The sight of every single soul he burns and breaks is branded into his mind, and regret is held in clenched fists. The sadness of his eyes, knowing deeply that the reason for affliction lies in him.
At times it allows others to release and smile at his magnificence, his irregularity, his originality, and the light that shines within. But his own ferocity escapes him in how easily he is angered, in the need to be right, to not be denied. In the end he hurts them deeply and none utter word to him for fear of confrontation. So he remains unchallenged gaining the title, winner. In reality he has lost all of importance, everything of worth. He wants to be as they want him to be, he wants them to love him as much as they do. He doesn’t want to hurt them with his rebellious flame, but in his caution he understands to repress his animalistic nature is to live a lie. A lie that conceals his true form and identity. The form of a demon wolf, a demon wolf that burns a silvery gray but reveals a fiery unrelenting red unable to be controlled or subdued. He hates and despises all that he is and how he burns all he comes into contact with. So in his despair he turns into the lone wolf, an isolated being with hidden claws and unknown desires to those that truly care for him.
He has many talents that are seen, from time to time, when he allows the world to see. His talents entail gruesome and savage acts that incite a strange feeling of wonderment. For a flame so emboldened and brave must be admired, even if through fear. So the wolf takes center stage and is applauded. He hates the applause for when the time is right to be entwined with his admirers he runs to the woods, deep into the solitary darkness, so as to not be revealed. He fears himself and all that he is capable of, of what he can achieve with his far-reaching coat of flames to those he is connected to. Rather than allowing himself to be completely enslaved to a burdensome gift, he shaves his magnificent coat of silver and flaming red, leaving him bare and exposed. A naked form of himself unable to burn; unable to cause pain.
He is no longer magnificent, but he can now embrace close to the ones he loves and be at peace. But they stare; They are in disbelief at his nakedness. This is their Great Wolf and yet it is not. He is not the same great magnificent burning flame he once encapsulated. He is a slave to the desires and weakness of the others, he is their puppet, their show of entertainment that can be manipulated however so they desire. And in his nakedness for fear of hurting them he does as he is told. He loses energy keeping the flame at bay.
This is all a masquerade the wolf was never meant to take part in. The audience watches with fear as they do not trust what has little control, and the wolf knows this because he cannot be played anymore. No more! he ignites, erupting his coat of silver and fiery red that smolders the stage and creates a spark in the reflection of every eye that surrounds him. The demon wolf forsakes his nakedness, and now in his true form he finds madness and empowerment under the undeniably destructive and magnificent burning flames. None such eyes were ignited in the crowd as bright as those in his beloved. His reason to burn. The wolf saw his true mate the Fox of the Forest, the spirit that so called to him from the dark shade in the depths of the woods. The only one intrigued enough to care for such an illustrious and grand abomination, the one who had tempered his ravenous carnality. He sees his reflection, the silver and sleek coat burning in the depths of her beautiful loving eyes. She cries tears that form in the inner of her eye and trickles down her flawless soft face; the face the wolf believed the makers of beauty had carved from happiness alone.
Her tears were too much for the demon-wolf to bare, his grandiose flame began to die to wilt into a dampened silver. His body floated towards the beauty as he retracted his claws and laid his head so the snout was low. His beloved wept so bitterly that he could not allow the weeping to continue. Close to the touch he raised his head he pierced her with eyes of blackness masked by the silver glow of ambiance. He looked at her, for what seemed an eternity, to which she could not look away. His entrancing sadness kept her eyes locked. Her tears evaporated into steam from the heat of his silver flames as the wolf spoke with a voice that came from far within his depths, “I am with you. I love you, save me from this lament. Save me from my own flame.” Â Frightened by the sound of his voice, yet entranced by his stare she let her fear fall beneath her, raising delicate hands to embrace the wolf’s burning flame of a face. His scalding flame became soft and dimmed by her touch, so she kissed him tenderly on the snout. Her mouth opened as she spoke, “Love me now and never another. I will forgive you then.”
He knew he would love the Fox of the Forrest forever, as he also knew his hedonistic soul and wild yearnings could not only have her flesh for a lifetime. Notwithstanding he told her, “Yes, my love. I will never love another even if this nefarious coat of flames desires.” His snout lay low he touched necks with his Fox. She rubbed him in return fulfilled by his empty promise and said, “My burning wolf, I will always revel in your flame. Never change:” Heading her words, the wolf continued to burn.
