I see you’ve discovered the secret of sugar—or sucrose as I like to call it.

Oh how that sweet cocaine of the 21st-century tech-entrepeneur is so wrongly vilified!

As a child I ate nothing but sucrosey cereal and I was young, beautiful, intelligent.

After moving on to “sensible” food in my late teens I immediately began to show physical signs of aging.

Since May of this year I have eaten 4–5 meals of Lucky Charms each day. I feel FANTASTIC and I don’t seem to have aged at all!

Suck it, scientists!