My Official Statement On The NYU Tisch and Columbia Productions of Legally Blonde: The Musical

Yes, it is I, the cancelled ghost of the unwell man who spent two separate Saturdays this November seeing the NYU Tisch production of Legally Blonde as well as the Columbia University production of Legally Blonde. I thoroughly enjoyed both productions and did not mean to cause any hurt in documenting this experience. I apologize for my actions and “all this trashy carrying on.” I am a bigger fan of extra-curricular college theater than most (I spent all of last week weeping at the video of my own college production of Spring Awakening because I have little to no handle on my emotions). I want to honor and congratulate both casts and assure you that any perceived rivalry between the two was a Twitter narrative constructed by people still butt-hurt that Smash was cancelled.

Both productions were inventive, energetic, and as loveable as Legally Blonde should always be. I was thrilled by the buoyant, Bruiser-like energy of Columbia’s Elle, and stunned by the chill vibe of NYU’s activist Elle. The Emmetts were both tremendous and had heads of hair that caused me to leave thinking “Should I grow my hair out?” I wish these men well in their careers as the next Timothee Chalamet and Lucas Hedges, respectively. Both Paulettes brought down the house and brought me to tears. I believe Ireland (Reprise) is the most emotional song in all of Laurence O’Keefe and Nell Benjamin’s masterpiece and these two actresses made me cry harder than “nothing or no one”. Both Viviennes also made me cry with their power on perhaps the most important line in all of Legally Blonde: “you’ve got the best friggin SHOOOOES!!” and their respective performances should require MTI to officially change the line from “mousy brown bob” to “mousy brown LOB” in their honor. Both esteemed universities’ Pilar, Margot, and Serenas had the energy of 1000 Teslas and I hope to be in the audience to see them slay in an inevitable production of Heathers.

Important shout-outs are the glass-ceiling-shattering hot pink pantsuit that the NYU Elle wore when she’s famously “never wearing that again, I’m wearing this!” I also am excited for the illustrious careers of the character actresses who played Whitney and Chutney, the real villains of Legally Blonde (other than Callahan), that made even the gross concept of “lobster potstickers” love-able. The WOMAN who played the Harvard Law admissions officer at Columbia (so many Ivys!) gave a refreshing and surprising performance that was a win for Feminism, Brexit, and Bangs. It is also important to honor the unintentional stars of any production of Legally Blonde: the dogs. NYU’s Rufus was a corgi with regal flair that, quite frankly, deserved a standing ovation and Columbia had perhaps the calmest (and smallest?????) Bruiser in American history. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the gorgeous versatility of the actresses who played Brooke Wyndham, who BOTH also doubled as Elle’s mom. This track will surely earn them rightful auditions for Mean Girls (can confirm they pull off the Nicholaw choreography). Legally Blonde is truly one of my favorite musicals of all time and I hope to only raise up the performers in it, keep it “Positive” and in the words of Ms. Kensington herself, “to thine own self be true” (maybe that was Shakespeare).

My sincerest apologies for any jokes made at the expense of either production. I attended both productions out of a sincere love for this musical. If anyone deserves to be ridiculed for being in a production of Legally Blonde, it is me. In 2013, I was inappropriately cast as Sundeep Padamadan and the role was changed to be an orthodox jew named Yitzhak Schlomo Rabbinawitz and the lyrics were, I shit you not, as follows “In my country / not many jews / some thought we were MORMONS / oy vey they really had no clue / but here I learn / I make new friends / and soon make theme park called Bar Mitzvah Land”

Every participant in these productions is immensely talented and deserves an appointment with Bernard Telsey himself! If you have any further questions my DMs are open (but I will warn you I am about to go on a cruise for 6 days)