Pokemon GO is already dead.

…and here’s an Ember-hot take straight from the Ponyta’s mouth.

Yeah, so I totally wrote that headline to get your attention and you’re probably feeling a little bit nixed by it if you’re here. Put your guns down. There’s no need for the pitchforks. Hear me out.

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Pokemon GO is currently changing the world. It has barely been out a week. This isn’t hyperbole. It’s changing the way strangers interact with each other in public places. It’s helping people with depression get out of bed in the morning. Social anxiety? Pokemon GO is taking care of that.

If you see somebody with a phone in their hand, turning on the spot, you know they’re playing Pokemon GO.

“Hey dude, there’s a Scyther over by the cafe”

Moreover, like an Electrode exposed to a small shock, this game, barely a week old, has exploded into the mainstream digital worlds we inhabit. It’s impossible to check any social media feeds without seeing something about Pokemon GO — photos, videos, server issues, dank (terrible) memes, complaints about Doduos — it’s all there. Not a single person I know hasn’t played Pokemon GO.

It’s so ridiculous, the real-world, physical phenomena known as ‘wildfire’ has been calling developers Niantic for tips on how to spread.

My experience with Pokemon GO has been good. I know the local gyms, the Pokestops and to expect/curse the Pidgeys and Ratatas at the supermarket next door. I’ve reached level 10, challenged and held down some of the gyms in the neighbourhood overnight. I detour on a jog to grab a few extra Pokeballs if I am running low.

It’s like going to get milk.

Pokemon GO has changed my habits too.

But in its current state Pokemon GO is walking the Green Mile. It’s ordered its last meal (rare candy) and it’s shuffling off to the gallows.

Pokemon GO won’t see out the year.

Unless it makes some drastic changes.

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Trading

The first and most obvious change — one that Niantic’s John Hanke has already hinted is coming in a future update— is the ability for players to trade Pokemon between one another. Obviously, a core component of the original games, trading was inherently important because it was the only way to evolve certain Pokemon, so it was absolutely necessary if you truly wanted to Catch ‘em All.

However, Pokemon GO faces a significant challenge when it comes to trading — the game allows you to transfer extra Pokemon back to the professor so you can gain valuable candies, which you then use to power and evolve Pokemon. Thus, one of the major reasons to trade doesn’t exist in GO. Unless trading offers significant advantages in terms of XP, Stardust and Candy, it will be a complete altruistic pursuit in GO.

And if you want to be the Very Best, altruism sucks.

Servers

Lol. Come on.

Candies

The candy system needs updating. Currently, when you transfer a Pokemon, say a Pidgey, back to the professor, you get 1 Pidgey Candy. If you catch or evolve a Pidgeotto (or even a Pidgeot) and then transfer that back to the professor… you get 1 Pidgey Candy. WHAT. WHY. NO. Piss off, Pidgey.

The candy system should scale according to the evolution at which the Pokemon is transferred back to the professor. Even 3 candies for a secondary evolution and 5 for a final would be fantastic, but I suspect even more wouldn’t go astray.

Battling

The second most important aspect of Pokemon is whack in GO. Yes, there’s a ton of bugs in the current Gym system but the major hurdle to overcome here is the ever-increasing gap between being a decent competitor and being an absolute hack who gets their Raticate’s ass handed to them on a platter-cate.

I’ve been logging in relatively often since release and catching a ton of Pokemon in my local area, but I am nowhere near the level of Gym leaders I come across. Routinely, level 20 players with OP Arcanines and Rhydons reign supreme. If Niantic don’t find a way to close that gap (or allow players to do so themselves) then a lot of the more casual players will fall away within months.

Secondary to this is the ability to battle players in your local vicinity, outside of Gyms. This game has really brought people together in gathering places all over our various cities but beyond playing the Pokemon theme song out their car windows or telling each other where Pokemon X is, interactions are limited. Throw in a simple battle system that works at close range and you’ve given players another reason to stay.

Extra Pokemon

Duh.

Extend the Battery Life

Duh. Ya Dummy.

But also I should probably go buy a power bank.

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“What is dead may never die.”