I like what you’re saying here. But it is a more functional description of Harry’s feelings. And while I appreciate the significance of ending by seeing this through Harry’s eyes, I felt a more powerful one-liner would have been better. Like“To check on something that’s broken.” I don’t need it described to me how he feels. I myself want to feel an immense satisfaction in learning of his purpose.
Also, the last few sentences seem to draw it out more. I felt a bit like “yeah, I know the punchline. It’s over. What more is there about this? If there was more story, fine. But otherwise, I still feel the one liner would have been right.
A note on Gaiman’s quote on getting feedback that’s often wrong, but it informs you there’s a problem…
I like the point of the ending tremendously. The delivery of it was all that was lacking for me. During Mercury, I realized “I need to make this an experience and focus on retaining that experience”. So I built up the ending until I was happy with how it completed the puzzle pieces. Yes, it needs 1 more second on that last note. But the ending as a whole works. It’s satisfying. At least, more so than my previous works. So that’s what’s on my mind here. Everything about this is flawless to me. You had one paragraph I’d shorten. But flawless. The resolution is the only iffy thing to me. But I still like how it ended.