Churches Blame Failure of Church-State Education for Ignorance Not Spreading Fast Enough

In a joint release issued today, pastors nationwide blamed the failures of the church-state school system for the Section 53 ruling and subsequent apathetic public response.

“We have spent years creating a system that requires students to accept our teachings without question, even to memorize what we teach them as the only right thing, yet isolated pockets of young scholars continue to dare to question us,” commented one pastor.

In one of the more egregious examples cited, students being taught about the Book of Genesis asked repeatedly about comparisons with Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. “We disciplined them, made them stay after school and copy Bible passages until they stopped asking, but this kind of thing has a way of spreading,” a Toledo pastor observed.

“Clearly we need more influence in the school system so that we can squash this free thinking before it gets completely out of hand,” said another. “The government needs to just give us the money and leave the actual teaching to us. We will keep students innocent, and some pastors will even keep the cuter little girls and boys after school for extra instruction on the ways of sinners, along with a careful demonstration of the only appropriate position to take on the subject of sex -Missionary.”

Pastors claim that they are fully aware that 95% of the population do not support same-sex relationships, while 5% are obviously sick perverts who need to be drowned in holy water. Asked about the polls that support this statistic, they said “we don’t need polls, we have instructed the entire population to disagree with same-sex relationships and are sure that only 5% are in danger of burning in hell for their torrid, sweaty, hedonistic, orgasmic, Kama Sutra inspired perversions.”